Fernetiquette

New Theme Song, Obviously.

2011-06-14T13:32:00.000-07:00

From Equipto and Mike Marshall, feat. Skeptic and Cognito, I present to you:

I Drink Fernet

This is absurd and fantastic and I love every second of it.

That's all for now.

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Filed under: Fernet on the Tubes, keeping up with this blog is hard sometimes., Musical Interludes, with love and squalor, Fernet is hella gangsta yo

At Long Last, Your Fernetiquette Returns! (In COMIC Format!!)

2011-02-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

Figured I'd dust off the old Bloggin' space to acknowledge this here thing right here:

Awesome cover, no? Oh, and there's also this:

Come celebrate the BRAND NEW “Comic Book Guide to the Mission”! Gather and meet many of the creators of this fabulous and entertaining neighborhood resource. Food! Drinks! Fun!

Featuring the talents of: Sean Chiki (Wunderkammer), Jamaica Dyer (Weird Fishes), Andrew Farago (The Cartoon Art Museum, William Bazillion), Shaenon K. Garrity (Narbonic, Skin Horse), Justin Hall (All Thumbs Press, True Travel Tales, Glamazonia), Mario Hernandez (Love and Rockets, Citizen Rex), Greg Hinkle, Nomi Kane (Chutzpah!), Jonas Madden-Connor (Ochre Ellipse), Paul Madonna (All Over Coffee), Omar Mamoon (The Mission: Taco), Amy Martin(Bachelor Girl, The Single Girls), John Mathis, Aindrila Mukhopadhyay, Roman Muradov (Sad Comics), Jen Oaks, Ariel Schrag (Potential,Likewise, Ariel and Kevin Invade Everything), Matt Stewart (The French Revolution), Alfred Twu (First Cultural Industries), Dan V. (American Objects), Geoff Vasile (Trackrabbit), Jeff Walker, Mike White (Amity Blamity), Clint Woods (Fernetiquette), and Rick Worley (A Waste of Time). Plus, behold this amazing cover by Chuck Whelon (Pewfell)

Ahem.

I have my very own copy, and it's wonderful. The story I submitted turned out great all comic-ified, and I'm just thrilled to have been a part of it. A huge, huge thank you to the lovely and talented Lauren M. Davis for allowing me to participate in such an exciting project. For those of you who live in the area, y'all should come down to the launch party this Friday, March 11 · 7:00pm - 10:00pm at Mission Comics and Art. I'll be there!

Now, we'll see if all this fame inspires me to write a bit more often. We'll see!

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Filed Under: Fernetiquette Gets Famouser and Famouser All The Time, keeping up with this blog is hard sometimes., The Comic Book Guide to The Mission, San Francisco in general, Pop's is for winners

Places You Can Get Fernet: Citizen Wine Bar in Worchester, MA

2010-06-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

An emailed tip from Dave from the Bay State:

There is a bar called the Citizen in Worcester MA where Fernet flows freely! From fernet and cokes to hanky pankys. Shots chased with Ginger beer and a branca menta flip made with housemade cocoa tincture that is out of this world! These guys are true kings of the craft and well known as one of the very few places to get fernet in central mass. Just thought you should know.

Cheers!!!!

Citizen Wine Cheese and Chocolate Bar is the sort of establishment that eschews both conventional bar food AND the Oxford Comma. On the other hand, they do boast "proper ratios" every night. Which is not only impressive, but (depending on how they enforce those ratios) potentially discriminatory. Wooo!

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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Boston, Bars should be all forced to post their ratios all the time, welcome to Worchester $1.25 pa, The Oxford Comma is the sexiest comma, Tom Brady is a handsome man,

Places You Can Get Fernet: Halo, in Atlanta, GA.

2010-06-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

Fernet was previously found in Atlanta at the local (and not the Murder Kroger).

Again from our traveling correspondent.

At Halo in Atlanta. Stay sexy.

As you can see, my boy is excellent with the Fernet Fotography.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Fernet Foto File, Atlanta, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Jason Heyward is an effing stud.

The Greatest Fernet Story Ever Told?

2010-06-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

Got this in the ol' inbox this week. It was so good, so wonderful, so utterly transcendent that it demanded to be shared, (almost) immediately, unedited and uncut. Without further ado, I present to you, the gentle reader...

Well. That pic turned out a bit more sacreligious than I'd originally intended.

...The Greatest Fernet Story Ever Told (This Week So Far). Enjoy.

About a year ago I hosted an Argentine wine dinner with 5 courses paired with different Argentine wines. I couldn't find a proper wine to go with dessert so my liquor rep suggested the national drink of Argentina, Fernet Branca. She brought a bottle by to sample and we were both hooked. It really didn't go with the dessert [ED- Shocking!] but I knew it packed verve and would be very memorable to our 80 guests. The dinner went fantastic and I introduced Fernet to everyone, gave a toast and we did our Fernet (sans ginger chaser) together and as you can imagine it was a polarizing experience. All in all, great night of food, wine and Fernet.

So the real story begins post-dinner. These two girls persuaded me to do shots of Fernet with them. I was feeling Euphoric from the great evening and we ended up doing NINE shots. I think I forgot to mention that I had to be at the airport at 5:30 am the next morning (or maybe it was this morning) as I was a chaperone on my daughter's 8th grade trip to Washington, DC.....I actually passed out from the indulgence much to my wife's displeasure and had to be carried to the car and poured into bed. [ED- This has never happened to me. Ever.]

I was kinda/sorta unresponsive when my wife and daughter tried to wake me at 3:00 am and after repeated attempts to get me up, they realized it wasn't gonna happen. I woke from my comatose state at 8:00 am and was a little fuzzy but amazingly had no hangover!

I knew I had to be somewhere and thought everyone had overslept but me. So I got a text from my beautiful daughter Claudia that said "I still love you" and knew I was in trouble. Then I got a phone call from my wife and she didn't still love me!! However, she arranged a flight later that day (for an extra $400 thank-you very much) and arrived at the hotel just as the Redeemer Lutheran School 8th grade class was getting back from the nighttime monument tour. Of course they all knew what happend to me (even the ticket agent at the airport knew!) but I was going to make the best of a bad situation and became the friggin' best 8th grade chaperone anyone has seen. Volunteered for every detail no one wanted and at the end became great friends with the teacher and all the students thought I was the "cool" chaperone. I owe it all to Ferent Branca.

Let this be a lesson to you, my friends: NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TO YOU when two (or more) girls "persuade" you to do shots of Fernet Branca. It's like Spanish Fly, except instead of helping you get laid, it helps you get awesome. Also, your family will love you forever. The End.

Or not quite the end. Our contributor tacks on with an extra special Places You Can Get Fernet:

I'm the biggest supporter of Fernet in the Panhandle and if you ever get to Pensacola, Florida stop by Seville Quarter for some Fernet at End O' The Alley Bar. We are the leader in NW Florida (not saying much) and are very proud to be in the "know" of this incredible (in moderation) elixir.

Bill Carlson
Seville Quarter
Pensacola, FL

You hear that Pensacolans? (Pensacolians? Pensacolas? Pensacolacicles?) End O' The Alley is your new Home Base. Get to it, people. Oh, and one more note from Mr. Carlson...

ps. The staff has nicknamed Fernet "Kill Bill" in homage to me. You got to be known for something in your lifetime!

I'll leave the MSPainting up to y'alls.

Amazing. Simply, amazing. Many, many thanks.

Any other Entries from readers as to your Greatest Fernet Stories? Come on, San Franciscans. I know you've got 'em. Sharing is caring.

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Filed Under: MSPaint Skillz, The Greatest Fernet Story Ever Told This Week So Far, Places you can get Fernet, Hangover Freedom, Florida, Yes I know I'm going directly to hell

Actual Research-Like Substance: Scott Brody's Epic Eva Peron Story

2010-06-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

Once in a while Your Fernetiquette pretends to be An Actual Blogger instead of being some schmo who assigns everything a cutsie tag and calls it a day. I admit it's not often, but on occasion I do put legitimate effort into this little webspace.

For example, about five months ago I took the time to type out an ENTIRE EMAIL(!!) that politely asked the purveyors of Bourbon and Branch how they managed to come up with the delicious Fernet-based cocktail known as the Eva Peron. Naturally, I didn't follow up on that email in any way, shape or form. I've been wayyyy too busy to spend my time in the dogged pursuit of truth.

Still my friends, I am here today to testify that you do indeed reap what you sew. Yes, this weekend I received the following note from Mr. Scott Brody, the lead bartender at Epic Roasthouse re: the origins of The Peron:

If you're still interested in the story behind the Eva Peron (and even if you aren't) here it is:

We had a liquor rep trying like hell to get Canton ginger liqueur into Epic back in 2008. Shortly after bringing it in, we got a call from him to arrange a party for a friend of his. His friend was going to Argentina on an "epic" adventure and he wanted a specialty cocktail containing Canton for the party.

Epic: Pictured

We agreed to try and come up with something, and I took the two ideas: Argentina and Canton, to Tony Nik's in North Beach where I knew Darren Crawford was working. Our friend and fellow bartender Jake Cornell was there, and the three of us started brainstorming. I knew that Fernet mixed well with Sweet Vermouth from cocktails such as the Hanky Panky, and everyone in SF knows it pairs well with ginger. Furthermore, I knew that Fernet is wildly popular in Argentina. We can't remember exactly who came up with the lime, or who thought of trying ginger ale; but Darren started mixing, decided on equal parts of Carpano Antica, Fernet and Canton, squeezed in half a lime, shook everything and topped it with ginger ale. We tasted it, decided that ginger beer would work best, and voila, a cocktail is born. We came up with the name Eva Peron, because the Evita cocktail already exists (nasty thing with Midori in it).

The drink was a hit at the party, and once Darren started working at Bourbon & Branch, he brought the Eva Peron with him.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me, or come by Epic and I'll be happy to mix up an Eva for you.

Cheers,

-Scott Brody.

Odds of me taking Mr. Brody up on that offer? Excellent.

(Srsly tho: Many thanks to Scott for the story!!! Now everyone immediately go to Epic and tip like a Rockefeller.)
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Filed Under: Actual research-like substance, Bourbon and Branch, Epic in the non-internet way, Fernet cocktails, The Argentine Menace, San Francisco in general, Don't act like I never do anything for you people

Places You Can Get Fernet: Cure in New Orleans, LA

2010-06-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

Another short one. If time permits, I've got plenty of interesting updates coming very soon.

Regardless:

Forwarded to us by our intrepid traveling reporter, who testified that Cure boldly offers not just Fernet-Branca, but ALSO features my old nemesis* Branca Menta.

Well played.

*Updates also to come on our longstanding bloodfeud with The Menta.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Nawlins, Fernet Foto File, Branca Menta is the devil, keeping up with this blog is hard sometimes.

Places You Can Get Fernet: Harry's Bar in Allston, MA

2010-05-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a while and I've got some catching up to do, so how about a short one? OK? OK.

Taken May 17, 2010 at Harry's Bar and Grill in Allston, Mass. The accompanying message from the fine gentleman who sent the picture:

I miss you, my friend.

You too, brother.
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Filed Under: Boston, Places you can get Fernet, Fernet Foto File, male bonding amongst males, Allston Rock City.

Hey you guys, I went to a show!

2010-05-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

And then I wrote about it at Such a Clatter! Check it out, yo.

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Filed Under: This has absolutely zero to do with Fernet Branca, Guest Posts, Fellow Travelers, And yes I had my dancin' shoes on and I was feelin' alright

"The Liqueur of Hades"

2010-05-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

According to Salon dot com, quoting The Wall Street Journal quoting something called "The Wine and Food Society of New York", (which doesn't even sound like a real thing) Fernet is "The Liqueur of Hades".Well, OK.

I'd file an objection, but frankly fair enough. Hades isn't so bad, and the description is fairly appropriate in all honesty. If nothing else, it's better than being called something truly terrible like say... the Liqueur of Cleveland. Can't even imagine what that would taste like.

Also, THIS is hilarious.

Betsy von Furstenberg was suspended from Actor's Equity in 1960 after secretly putting [Fernet] into Tony Randall's onstage drink.

Of course.

Oh, Felix Unger. Such a buzzkill.

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Filed Under: Fernet Foto File, Fernet is Famous or something, People upon whom Betsy von Fustenberg has forced the stuff, The Liqueur of Hades

Guest Post: Clatter Takes the Plunge

2010-05-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

It's Fernetiquette's First Ever Guest Post! Yrs truly just dragged Bill, the excellent and prolific author of the exceptional music blog Such A Clatter, out for some Fernet. Photo evidence goes here:

Flowery guest prose goes here [FN1]:

First & just reiteratively, I will concur re: the Marina. Which is like a weird wormhole-portal-thingie to some other place/time/culture (quote-unquote), incongruous amidst our fine City where some, at least, are said to have left their hearts. I will admit to being overly-reductive (& yes a hater, sue me[FN2]) but Marina: ew to the bottle-blondes & the boob jobs, ew to the overgrown frat boys & gym rats, & cetera just, ew. [FN3] Anyway, Russian Hill has its fine points but would certainly be nicer all around w/out the blight of the Marina situated like, Right Next Door. The cross-pollination was alas evident, when Fernetiquette hosted yours truly for what was to be yes, my very First Time test-driving (what I understand to be) the hipsters’ go-to digestif. &, as you’ve already heard by now, we had it on tap [FN4] which evidently is not the usual means of delivery.

Anyhoo and as previously related infra, drinks were brought to our table at the Bullitt bar. Some beers, four shots of el Fernet-o, & two “ginger backs” for the newbies (those being me, check, & my dazzling companion). I had been assured that chasing the Fernet with ginger ale would not categorically render me a Girl, but I do harbor some skepticism there. [FN5]

So, yeah I drank the stuff. Uh huh, yes I surely did. & apparently it is something that people actually do drink, both repeatedly & willingly. So I am prepared to concede that I’m missing something there. (Especially since I pretty much used up my RDA of intolerance just hating on the neighborhood, right?)

I'll spare the suspense: he was not impressed.

What to say about the Fernet Branca? Well, when I was twelve I smoked my first cigarette which was a Kool menthol. That’s a memory I was surprised to revisit upon sipping my leather-colored shot there in the bar. But yeah, menthol. Menthol on fire. Cool on the palate yet warm going down, hey it’s freaking alchemy in a shot glass!

Molecular geometry for Menthol. [FN6]

I know there are supposed to be various subtle notes of this & that, but I couldn’t really discern any of the alleged saffron or cardamom, & wouldn’t recognize myrrh or aloe (I did my homework on Wikipedia, btw) if they walked up to me on Hyde Street & slapped my face w/a French manicure. Pretty much whatever’s in there gets shoved aside by the cool/warm tactile sensation. Oh & by the unambiguous & shouted voice [FN7] of camphor, so there may be some medicinal value there I’m just saying.

I was really trying my best to be all x-cultural & open-minded, but can we talk for just a moment re: the music in that place. [FN8] Jesus seriously, who w/a straight face plays that bland generic white people disco shite? [FN9] Query posed rhetorically, although now that I think about it I did crave a seriously stiff drink after a single verse, so there’s some viral marketing for you.

So. Not to go all Marcel Proust on you here, but the Fernet did have this uncanny ability to dredge up forgotten memories & that was a magical & mysterious thing to experience then & there in the bar. I recalled that time when I had pneumonia & couldn’t do much other than lie still under the crushing weight of my watery lungs, blotting my fevered forehead. I thought the Fernet mightn’t be bad if I’m ever similarly stricken again. Topically applied, I mean, & assuming a favorable per-ounce price point comparison with Vicks VapoRub registered trademark. [FN10] With which it shares its distinctive bouquet. (Sorry man, but truth to power, right?)

Emphatically though, I will insist that every downside to the evening’s escapade was more than balanced by the quality of the assembled company, & Friendship indeed is a tonic superior to all others. Vive la difference I say with some not-inconsequential gusto. So, thank you for the invitation, & for the ensuing adventure. In conclusion, the gods did smile when, as we were settling the check, the Clash were heard to intrude gloriously & incongruously upon the music selection.

At least we can agree on these lads. [FN11]

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FN1- All footnotes are MINE though. It is my blog, after all MWAHAHAHAHAHahahahahaahahaha.
FN2- Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that being "overly-reductive" and "a hater" were necessary prerequisites of being a music blogger.
FN3- Co-sign, save for the bit about boob jobs.
FN4- (sic) as to the failure to capitalize On Tap.
FN5- Acceptable. See ORFE Sec. 1.0(3).
FN6- Be honest. You guys weren't expecting FUCKING SCIENCE, were you?
FN7- It's subtle... subtle like a T-Rex.
FN8- See FN2.
FN9- Pretty much Marina folk and Chowdahheads. But I repeat myself.
FN10- It doesn't. I've tried. [FN12]
FN11- Oh, and the cheesy bit about the friendship and company and blah blah blah whatevs. That stuff is pretty cool too I guess.
FN12- What? I'm not proud.

For the record, my favorite part was the Tranny joke.
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Filed Under: Guest Posts, Russian Hill, Seriously though Thanks Bill that was great, The Only Drink That Matters, Faces of Fernet, Alchemy in a Shot Glass, Fellow Travelers, People upon whom I've forced the stuff.

Fernet On Tap is a Real Actual Thing

2010-04-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

I can swear to the above statement in a court of law. Because last night, I ventured all the way over to the expensive side of the City to Bullitt and saw it with my very own eyes. It was glorious.

Hella OMGs!

Let's get a close-up view on that bad boy.

Yep. That's right. It's an an adorable wee lil Fernet bottle stuck on a tap. And that tap dispenses Fernet. It's like a unicorn gumdrop fountain made of $100 bills. Too good to be real. If they had one of these at The Homestead I'd ~~probably~~ try to move in.

Unfortunately, they don't have one at The Homestead or anywhere else in my general area, so I'm forced to go all the way to Fernet Central/Russian Hill to sample Fernet On Tap. Russian Hill is A) pretty far from me, and B) basically the Marina. More on B) later, but let's just say I'm glad they weren't checking neighborhood passports too closely.

So what did Fernet On Tap taste like? To be honest, it tasted a heck of a lot like regular Fernet. It may have been slightly more "open" and a tiny bit less sharp, but it was still Fernet so it still had plenty of prickliness to spare. Theresa, our ever-present companion and photographer, said it tasted "warmer". I think that's right, though none of the variances are present to a large extent. Bottom line: you really have to work hard to taste the difference.

This should not be a surprise. Fernet does not exactly present the subtlest of flavor palates. You can fuss with the margins all you like, but you're not going to alter the big picture a whole bunch. Fernet On Tap will still walk up to you and slug you in the face just like Fernet Not On Tap will. The only difference may be in the exact angle of the right cross.

I don't have much more to say about Bullitt itself, so allow me to comment on Russian Hill in general. First, this is the window of the bar right next door from Bullitt:

Yes, that's a gigantic bottle of Fernet-Branca with branchy tree-like things growing out of it. Well, OK. Cheers to you Cresta's 2211 Club. Your window display is beautiful like a rainbow.

Secondly, upon leaving Bullitt and heading back up Polk street towards my friend Such A Clatter's car, we passed yet another bar. Out from said bar came stumbling a prototypical Marina DudeBrah. He wasn't wearing an Ed Hardy T-Shirt, but I can only assume that was because he was at the end of a laundry cycle. At any rate, he stumbled up to our band of merry folks, nudged me on the elbow and pointed across the street towards an attractive young lady in the crosswalk.

"Hey man," he slobbered. "Wouldn't you like to get up inside that?"

Somewhat stunned, I laughed it off and said "Oh yeah, man. Absolutely."

She had apparently heard the exchange and was obviously smitten by the high compliment paid to her by our unnamed drunkard, because she turned towards us, raised a heavily manicured hand and went "WOOOOO!!!!"

Ahh, young love. You stay classy, Russian Hill.
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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, Best McQueen Tribute Evar, Russian Hill, DudeBrahs, Fernet Foto File, MSPaint Skillz, Fernet On Tap, Actual research-like substance.

Happy Birthday to New Coke!

2010-04-23T06:08:00.000-07:00

That's right, kids. Twenty-five years ago today.

What could go wrong!?!

Also a big Bon Anniversaire to Valerie Bertinelli, Warren Spahn, Sandra Dee, Miguel de Cervantes, Tony Esposito, Herve Villechaize, Bill Shakespeare, Shirley Temple, me, Lee Majors and Roy Orbison.

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Filed Under: This has absolutely zero to do with Fernet Branca, I want to try Fernet con Coca Nueva, Spahn and Sain and pray for HELLA PRESENTS

Maybe the Best Thing I've Ever Seen, Ever

2010-04-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

This is all over the intertubes today but whatevs because OMG.

You see, Giants? You score when you actually touch the plate. Style points are extra, though they also have the potential make you immortal.

h/t Brigid
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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, This has absolutely zero to do with Fernet Branca, The High Holy Church of Baseball, Profiles in Amazingism, No really watch it again it's the best thing ever, 5 runs in 4 games arrrgh

Places You Can Get Fernet: Russell House Tavern in Cambridge, MA

2010-04-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

The Russell House Tavern is in Harvard Square, across the Charles River from the Eastern Standard in Cambridge. Of course, Cambridge is where Harvard is. Thus, Russell House Tavern is a Harvard Bar, and I am legally obligated to deploy this picture:

Why yes, I do enjoy a nice Granny Smith from time-to-time.

Russell House Tavern is on "JFK street", which is kind of like having a gay bar in San Francisco called Moby Dick: too obvious to NOT be a real thing. The bar opened a few weeks ago, has a truly awesome special offer for the hungry brainacs who frequent the area.

Grossman said that the Harvard community was one of the top three factors he took into consideration before opening the restaurant. He added that he has informally created a “happy meal” for students, which consists of a 16-ounce Brooklyn lager tall boy, one shot of Fernet Branca, and a “giant” burger—priced at $18.

FUCK YEAH HAPPY MEAL. In my head these come in cardboard boxes in the shape of Fenway Park with a smiling David Ortiz on the outside dressed as the Hamburgler.

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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Boston, Oh Matt Damon he is such a tortured soul, Applesauce bitch, Hopefully McDonalds' lawyers will never hear about this

Places You Can Get Fernet: Sable in Chicago, IL

2010-04-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

In the middle of my junior year of college, my girl and I went to the City of Broad Shoulders to visit a friend of mine from grade school who had moved out there while he and I were in high school. It was in the dead of winter; the harrowing part of Midwestern January. According to the weathermen, it was something like -40 with the wind chill. I didn't know if what the forecast said was true, I just know it was the coldest I'd ever been in my life. It still is.

The three of us still managed to brave the conditions and fought our way downtown. I wore my Red Wings jersey. At the Art Institute, we did this:

Of course we did.

I mention this not because it's particularly relevant; it's just to remind myself that I should contact the old friend and the girl more often. They are wonderful people and I miss them both.

What is quite relevant is this: you can get Fernet in Chicago. True fact.

A good hotel bar can be a traveler’s best friend, especially when it comes with a pedigree like that of the recently opened Sable Kitchen & Bar in Chicago’s Hotel Palomar. With a spirits selection curated by bartender Jacques Bezuidenhout and cocktails like the Fernet- and St. Germain-laced Ginger Dram and the strawberry- and mezcal-bedecked Speaking in Tongues being mixed by Violet Hour alum Mike Ryan, Sable is the perfect bar away from home.

Sable is at 505 North State street, which according to the googlz is right downtown-ish. Picture goes here.

For the record, the Ginger Dram consists of:

1 3/4 oz. single-malt scotch whisky
1 oz. Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur
2 barspoons Fernet Branca
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Ice cubes
A dash of DA BEARS
Lemon twist
Served in a Nick & Nora glass

One of those ingredients may not be entirely serious.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Chicago, Fernet cocktails, Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, I don't get the ginger fascination I really don't, I'd buy Steve Bartman a shot dude deserves it

The Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v. 1.0

2010-04-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

It's funny. I never really started this blog with the idea of serving as some sort of Fernet authority. In fact, I explicitly disavowed any such notion in the FAQs. I started this blog because the name popped into my head one day after a terribly long night at Pop's and I thought "Huh huh. That'd be a good name for a blog or something."

And off we went.

Reposting because it's still my favorite

Then I got going a bit. And then I garnered a few readers. Then one day out of the clear blue sky, someone determined that this blog was about "Fernet Etiquette". Which: OK. I guess that makes sense. I may not be a bartender or a mixologist or someone with any specialized knowledge on the subject whatsoever... but I am a San Franciscan who drinks Fernet. Seeing as how San Francisco drinks somewhere between 35-50% of the Fernet in the United States AND I'm the only person within San Francisco to start a blog about it, I think the issue is settled: I am an authority on Fernet etiquette. Res ipsa loquitur.

I should note that while I did not ask for this responsibility, I shall not shrink from it. Thus, Allow me to present Fernetiquette's Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v 1.0. (A work in progress.):

If you've never tried Fernet, you must seek it out immediately. I mean it. Look, whether you like it or you think it could peel the paint off the walls, Fernet is distinctive enough that it absolutely has to be sampled. Nay, not sampled: savored. Contemplated. Experienced. You must try it or you are not a complete person. Yes, Fernet is that powerful. Get to it.
Don't think about it. Don't smell it. Don't hesitate. Just drink it. Whether you decide to shoot it or sip it, just dive right in. I will warn you: You will hate it the first time it touches your lips. That said, as soon as that warm clean menthol feeling hits your gut, you'll start to understand what is the big deal about Fernet. But I assure you my friend, it will be just a start.
Ginger backs are acceptable, but not necessarily encouraged. The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article declares Fernet with Ginger to be "the style of drinking Fernet-Branca that is most popular in San Francisco." Whatever. If that's what it takes for you to handle the stuff, fine. I can't say I didn't need something to clear my palate after the first time I tried Fernet. HOWEVA... after a few months of practice, feel free to remove the training wheels. Put on your big boy pants and graduate to beer. Or hell, vodka.
If you meet someone who hasn't tried it, you are obligated to buy them a shot. This is non-negotiable. Iron-clad.
If you are in somewhere outside of San Francisco and you see Fernet behind the bar, you are mandated to order it under penalty of law. Also non-negotiable. As a corollary: if the bartender then asks you if you are from San Francisco, you are obligated to tip like a Rockefeller and buy them a shot of their own.
San Franciscans may not drink Fernet and cola in public within the city limits. Why? Because it's just not how we do things here and everyone else will point and laugh. In fact, unless you work for Bourbon and Branch or you're going to stir it in directly with your Pabst, you should probably just leave Fernet cocktails to the auslanders. Now, if you're barricaded inside the relative privacy of your own $1850/month-250-square-foot junior bedroom suite in the Excelsior and you decide to indulge in the forbidden pleasure of a Fernet con Coca, so be it. Just be sure the blinds are securely closed. Dear God, no one else wants to see that shit.
The artificial "You are not supposed to drink alcohol until X time of day" rules do not apply to Fernet. Fernet is not just a delicious spirit. No my friends. It's also a hangover cure. It's also a fantastic digestif. In short: it's a miracle drink. Therefore it is appropriate for consumption twenty-four hours a day. If anyone looks askance at you, refer them to me. Besides, it's always noon somewhere.

Any other suggestions to add to the Official Rules? Post them in the comments.

So it is written, and so it shall be.
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Filed Under: THE RULES AS I DECLARE THEM TO BE, San Francisco in general, The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article, I come from a long line of functional alcoholics, Fernet and Cola, Pop's is for winners, meta

Life Intervenes

2010-04-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the light posting of late, but I had a bit of a busy week. I gots myself a brand new job and can no longer claim to be "chronically under-employed". That's right, ma. I'm a big boy lawyer now!

As you can imagine the new job necessitated a lot of errand-running, tying-up-of-loose-ends, and getting-my-ducks-in-various-rows. Oh, and celebrating. Lots of celebrating.

Job starts today, so once I get a handle on things we should be back to normal. I don't anticipate that it will be too long before we get back to our regularly scheduled drinkie blog.

In the meantime, today is also that all important holiest of days: Opening Day.

And so that picture is pretty well perfect for the day. Today so much begins anew; so much is full of promise.

Here's to cherishing those beginnings fulfilling that promise. Cheers!

Adorableness via CALIBER
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Filed Under: The High Holy Church of Baseball, Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, Posts about the Giants, That kid is so cute I almost want to reproduce

Places You Can Get Fernet: Spoontonic in Walnut Creek, CA

2010-03-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

Got an email last week from a tipster named Kristen who says:

I work in the East Bay in Walnut Creek at this place called Spoontonic lounge. We sell a butt load of Fernet, and if you ever want to come check it out we're within walking distance from BART (pleasant hill or walnut creek).

"Butt load" is a technical term in the drink service industry. FYI.

Spoontonic is seems pretty hip since you can follow it on the Facebooks. They also have something called a "My Space", which I've never heard of so it must be hella cutting edge. FWIW they're also really well received on Yelp. One review in particular mentioned that they have a photobooth and only charge $2 for a PBR which makes me all nostalgic for the home base.

Pictures blatantly cribbed from Yelp go here:

They gots cute hipster girls in The Crick too.

Having grown up in the Far East Bay myself, I can say that I'm pretty familiar with the area. This place sounds objectively better than any other bar in Walnut Creek I've ever been to by a mile and a half. AND they serve Fernet, so bonus! Small caveat: According to Kristen a shot of Fernet is $7. This would be utterly unconscionable in SF, but one must make adjustments for what the market will bear out in the uncharted hinterlands of the Bay.

(I kid, I kid.)

ETC: My tipster graciously offered to have a shot at the bar waiting for me should I ever make it out there so I can "test if the fernet tastes different outside the city." Oooh, that sounds like research. I like research. Finally, check out Kristen's tumblr, which is filled with all kinds of general hilarity.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Journey to the End of the East Bay, How much are you paying for your Fernet, Photobooths are where the magic happens

Fernetiquette asks The Internet for help... again

2010-03-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

Second verse, extremely similar to the first.

Anyone sprechen sie the German?

And while you're at it...

Deleted scene from 2001: A Space Odyssey

Any attempts at translation would be appreciated. Danke schön!
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Filed Under: a normal person might have taken a class or something by now, fernet adverts, these could be Dutch for all I know, monkeys they haunt me they attack me monkeys

Russian Hill is Officially Fernet Central

2010-03-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

As a proud Mission District resident this is an obviously difficult admission. Unfortunately, given the events of the past 24 hours the truth can be denied no longer. Russian Hill takes their Fernet more seriously than any other neighborhood in San Francisco. They are Kings of Fernet.

The Queen of Fernet. (No relation.)

Take a second to let that sink in, my fellow Missionites. Shake off your south-of-market hipster prejudices, re-align your worldview, take a deep breath... then continue. No matter how much it may hurt, we have to come to terms with this simple salient situation: Another neighborhood in San Francisco does Fernet better than we do. That neighborhood is Russian Hill.

Still not buying it? Allow me to explain.

Pivoting off our recent discussion of the quixotic obsession with internet traffic, this site got a sizable jolt yesterday when the extraordinarily popular foodie blog Tasting Table linked to yours truly in their write up of the new phenomenon of Fernet On Tap. Because I am self-centered and like seeing my name in print, the link looked like this:

As you can see, I'm taking celebrity in stride.

More relevantly to my thesis, the article noted the availability of Fernet On Tap at Bullitt. Bullitt is a bar on Polk between Vallejo and Green in (yep) Russian Hill. Thrillist got the scoop on Bullitt's tap two months ago (and Fernetiquette lamely followed) so it is not quite BREAKING NEWS that one can get Fernet On Tap in San Francisco. HOWEVA, Tasting Table also mentioned that Tonic Bar, which is another Russian Hill bar a block and change from Bullitt, now also features Fernet On Tap. It is not an exaggeration to say that this development is one of the greatest things to ever happen to humankind.

I will freely admit that math is not my strong suit, but the equation here seems pretty definitive. We now have TWO bars in ONE neighborhood that have Fernet On Tap vs. ZERO bars that have Fernet On Tap anywhere else in America. That adds up to unrivaled, unchallenged, undisputed dominance. I'm sorry, Mission bars. You may be cheaper and closer to me, but until you install a Fernet spigot at Pops, Benders, Uptown or 500 Club, you'll continue to play second fiddle.

Until then: Russian Hill is Fernet Central. So it is written, and so it shall be.

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Filed Under: Fernet On Tap, Russian Hill, Fernetiquette Gets Famouser and Famouser All The Time, fernet adverts, Best McQueen Tribute Evar, Tonic Bar, I should leave my hood once in a while

Adventures in Internet Blogging, Pt. I.

2010-03-23T11:55:00.000-07:00

Hello gentle readers. Allow me to take a small break from your regularly scheduled travelin' and boozin' and researchin' about boozin' to peel back the curtain a little bit on some of the subtleties of having a "web log".

Folks who have had a blog know that whether you're trying to scratch out a living or you're just starting out at some point the amount of traffic you get on a day-to-day basis becomes something of an obsession. I can't say exactly why it happens for those of us who aren't ever planning on making any money off blogging. It's probably narcissism (or at least that's the explanation with which I'm most comfortable.)

Regardless, this obsession is a universal thing. Bloggers pore over their traffic numbers like they're religious screeds. They analyze and determine the types of posts that are the most popular (here at Fernetiquette these babies are by far the most google friendly) and the posts that no one bothers reading at all (basically everything else.) This is a daily ritual, and for most of us it's a sad, silent struggle against sanity.

However, one of the great joys of compulsively checking your traffic numbers is seeing exactly how people stumble upon your site. The average reader may not know this, but when you load Fernetiquette I can see a whole lot about you. Not only do I get information on how many people view my page, but I am told those visitors' locations, their browser settings and how long they spend on my site before clicking off to look at lolcats. Most interestingly, I am also told the link that brought you here. I ALSO see it when people find me through a google search and I see what the google search was that drew the hit. As you can guess, google searches are often pretty funny.

For example, last Friday I posted this about the Eastern Standard in Boston, Mass. Because no Fernetiquette post would be complete without pithy, immature tag I slapped one on the bottom of it that said "Tom Brady is a Handsome Man." I did this for a few reasons. One because before Tom Brady was the quarterback for the Patriots, he played for Michigan.

Proof

As I explained in the True Faqs, I am a rabid Michigan Football fan. It is also true that Tom Brady is in fact quite handsome.

Proof pt. II. You know you want him.

Astute readers will note that my description of the Eastern Standard's "Heather in Queue" cocktail used the word "foxy". Less than an hour after throwing that baby up, I got a hit from someone in South Korea who had apparently googled "Tom Brady foxy". I found this amusing. You may find this sad or unremarkable, but this gets back to the Pathetic Life of Your Poor Blogger.

Along similar lines someone in Pinole, CA recently found me through this search, which ha ha google suggestion lulz.

Not quite as tasty. Or dangerous.

But my absolute favorite example of this phenomenon so far is the apparent confluence of this post about Varnish in Los Angeles and this one about the Football cocktail which produced a google result for Fernetiquette when someone searches for (I kid you not) "homemade cream for décolletage". Insert relevant picture here:

Insert inappropriate joke here.

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UPDATES! So speaking of The Eastern Standard, behold the Power of the Twitternets!

Re-tweet away, minions!

To say that the post on Friday was the Most Popular Fernetiquette Post ever is a bit of an understatement. Someone in Boston found it Monday morning, tweeted about it and BOOM this blog hit triple-digit page loads for the first time in its young life. And there was much rejoicing.

There was also some helpful clarification. In the comments to that post, Frederic answers our question about Ms. Heather:

This cocktail is named for a regular Friday-night customer who was standing “in queue” when Jackson created this drink for her as a replacement for the Hoskins, “as I was running out of the then famous 164-bottle stash of Amer Picon that I picked from a dusty corner of the Martignetti warehouse.”

More at the Drink Boston link, which Frederic also helpfully provides. FWIW, My friend Aly who lives in Boston but is unfortunately not a Fernetophile had this to say about The Eastern Standard:

The Eastern Standard is the only good place to get a drink in the Fenway area. It's near the park, but manages to stay douche bag free.

So there you have it. More Fernet, Fewer Douchebags. How can you go wrong?
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Filed Under: meta, The Pathetic Life of Your Poor Blogger, Tom Brady is a handsome man, Boston, these are a few of my favorite things, All Your Updates, Fellow Travelers, MSPaint Skillz

Places You Can Get Fernet: Eastern Standard in Boston, MA

2010-03-19T12:26:00.000-07:00

So. You're in Boston. You've gone to Faneuil Hall. You've had your picture taken in front of the Civil War memorial on the Common. You've done the Duck Tour. And you've walked by Fenway and thought about how nice it would be to see a game there but all the tickets are sold out and $350 for a scalped seat behind a pole are you effing kidding me!?!?!

Now you're thinking to yourself "Man, I could really go for a rib eye steak, half a raw lobster, some standard (not special, mind you) foie gras with seasonal garnish, and an heirloom apple tarte tartin for dessert. Oh, and also some Fernet. I've only got $75 to spend (not including tax and gratuity, of course.) But where???"

There's only one place that THIS writer knows of. And that's The Eastern Standard.

The aforementioned standard foie gras and seasonal garnish

Jackson Cannon, the (one-time? current? I have no idea) bar manager at Eastern Standard apparently is in the habit of referring to Fernet-Branca as "Jäger for men", which is offensive on precisely two levels. However, the article that brings us that absurd quotation also says stuff like this:

The first time you taste Fernet, it literally assaults your senses. It’s intensely bitter, peppery and mentholated. ‘I can’t believe I just swallowed that,’ may be your first thought. But, intrigued, you try it again. You like that cleaned-out buzz, that feeling that your insides have been sandblasted. The next thing you know, you’re working in a restaurant.

Why do waiters, bartenders and chefs gravitate toward this stuff? Well … It’s a badass drink that very few people know about, much less like. Drinking it conveys both that you have an advanced palate and that you embrace the ridiculous.

...so perhaps some quarter should be given since that last sentence is oh so very wonderful.

Making her grand appearance on the Eastern Standard Cocktail Menu is the "Heather in Queue". Who is this Heather and why is she standing in line? Who knows? Who cares? I do know and care that she is made up of "A few of our favorite things:"

Plymouth
Martini Bianco
Bauchant (an orange liquer)
Fernet

Heather does indeed sound foxy enough to wait my turn.

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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Boston, Fernet cocktails, Fancy Fernet Free Verse, Duck Boats yall, Tom Brady is a handsome man

This Seems Relevant to My Interests

2010-03-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

Via Uptown Almanac, it's Mike Giant doing something... amazing.

OK. First off:

Brah-VO!

Well done, sir.

Naturally, I have a few small qualms

What on Earth is Skylark doing there? You might as well go with Blondie's and be done with it.
I probably would have included Elbo Room.
I definitely would have included House of Shields, though I understand if we're discounting Downtown and Yuppie SOMA.

That's... pretty much it. Pretty much every other time I thought to myself "Oh, what about..." it was already on there. My roommate Timmy objected to the absence of Tonga Room, but I think these are mostly not expensive/touristy/frat boy places. Hence the absence of Bourbon and Branch, Hobson's Choice and every bar in the Marina.

Oh, and I've been to THIRTY-EIGHT of those bars. Tell the truth: you're a little impressed, aren't you? Of course you are.
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Filed Under: Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, San Francisco in general, thats fuckin art man art, Pop's is for winners, Fellow Travelers, I sense a pub crawl coming on

Okay, Okay, I'll Try Fernet Con Coca.

2010-03-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

It's hard to argue that I'm some kind of Fernet purist. While my preferred way to take it is in shot form, I have obviously enjoyed my fair share of some entirely scrumptious Fernet concoctions. So why is it that until now I've resisted trying the most popular (and easiest to make) Fernet cocktail in the world?

Frankly, I have no idea. I like Fernet. I like Coke. I drink enough of either ingredient that I would conservatively estimate my bloodstream is typically around 40% Fernet and Coke anyway. But the idea of ordering a Fernet and Coke gets my dander up.

Maybe I blanch at Fernet Con Coca because I'm defensive of the idea that you'd have to water it down to make it palatable. It's definitely also a bit of (ahhh my old familiar friend) San Franciscan Pretentiousness. Regardless, the idea of cutting my delicious Fernet with something as pedestrian as cola has spurred me to deploy not just one but two derogatory (and probably offensive) tags to refer to Fernet Con Coca on this blog.

Well, folks. It's time to suck it up and try it. For science!

Pictured: ingredients. Not pictured: irrational internal scorn.

As an aside, the bottle above cost me almost $30 with tax at the liquor store across the street. And yet I paid it. Don't ever say I don't do anything for you people.

Dramatic reflection shot!

For the sake of completeness, here's how to make a Fernet Con Coca.

One shot of Fernet-Branca
Coca-Cola
Ice

*sigh*

At least they look pretty

Look, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Fernet and Coke tastes exactly how you'd expect it to taste. The cola waters the Fernet down so it's less punchy, but not so much that you can't still get the flavor. It's fine. A little blander than I'd like it to be, but fine. The best thing I can say about Fernet Con Coca is that mixing it like this prolongs the Fernet experience and the ice and cold coke make it more of a summer-y refreshing drink. Like a Tom Collins that'll put hair on your chest. I just can't see myself drinking this regularly is all.

FWIW, The Ladyfriend liked it more than I did. Here were her thoughts:

It's kind of an interesting balance in this drink, it seems. Sometimes it seems as though it doesn't take much Fernet for it to taste sort of like just a drawn-out shot of Fernet--like a shot of Fernet diluted a bit with Coke because, say, hypothetically, you only had a little bit of Fernet left and really wanted to make one last drink for the night but were too lazy/tipsy/naked to go out to the store to buy more Fernet--not that I would ever be able to relate to such a hypothetical desire in such a hypothetical situation, ever, because that's just sad! Right?

At any rate: a Fernet con Coca that tastes sort of like a drawn-out Fernet shot is not a bad thing. I enjoy it. It does, however, take on a somewhat different flavor when it's heavier on the Coca-Cola and lighter on the Fernet. The Fernet taste and Coke do complement each other rather well, I think; the specific way in which Coke is sweet and syrupy works with Fernet. (Note: I am not sure I could be paid/what sum of money I'd have to be paid to try a Fernet con Diet Coca. The sugar and the syrupiness of the regular Coke is crucial, I think, and I don't really like regular Coke most of the time. I'm super into Diet Coke, and yet I still would be hard-pressed to drink, voluntarily/for free, a Fernet con Diet Coca.)

So, final verdict: I like it. If one didn't like Fernet at all, I think a very very light-on-Fernet Fernet con Coca might even possibly work for that one. Should I ever find myself in Argentina, I shall order myself a Fernet con Coca with white-chick-style-atrociously-accented-broken-Spanish gusto.

So there you go. I should note that I have no such compunction against trying a Fernet and Diet Coke. I'm trying to watch my girlish figure, see.
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FINALLY, in pseudo-celebration of the holiday, here is the face-melting #1 hit in a google image search for "Fernet St. Patrick's Day":

Holy shit!

Fuck if I know what that has to do with St. Patrick's Day, and fuck if I could care. THIS. IS. AWESOME. Something tells me this isn't an official Branca advert, though I confess I don't know whether I would like it more or less if it was. Regardless, one thousand cocktails to whoever produced this work of art, and I will now seek out a print to hang on the ceiling above my bed.

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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, Fernet and Cola, The Argentine Menace, Drink it like a man you pansies, Fernet cocktails, le sigh, Fernet Foto File, fernet adverts, thats fuckin art man art

Falling

2010-03-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hi. My name is Clint. I'm a chronically under-employed attorney who plays guitar in a silly punk rock band on the side. This is my blog.

It's been a few weeks since I used this space. I know my four readers were very upset/might have been curious/were not bothered at all at my absence. Fear not my friends, I'm back.

Anyhoo, I took this picture the other night on a date night with my ladyfriend.

Going forward, I think this blog will be a little bit more personal and a little bit broader in focus. Of course, I'll still talk about our favorite Italian digestif, but I think I'll also use this space for more personal reflection as needed. I hope all four of you stick with.

I took the above picture at Vesuvio, which I also talked about here. It was date night with Theresa, and we had a very nice time. She took this picture:

...which I liked for obvious reasons. Tee hee.

Regular postings should resume now.
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Filed Under: Fernet Foto File, And you thought North Beach was only good for mediocre pizza and strippers, Vesuvio, Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, meta.

Places You Can Get Fernet: 331 Club in Minneapolis, MN

2010-02-26T11:52:00.000-08:00

Fernet was previously found in Minneapolis here.

A text I received on Sunday morning from Tim, Fernetiquette's Senoir Minneapolitan Correspondent, read:

Last Fernet Branca was found and imbibed at The 331 in NE Minneapolis

The 331 Club in Northeast (or "Nordeast" as they oh-so-adorably call it) Minneapolis seems like exactly the kind of place that would carry Fernet-Branca. Just take a browse around the picture gallery for a second and you'd think the place would be on the corner of Valencia and Ironictruckerhat.

Hopefully our boy Tim didn't actually drink the LAST last bit of Fernet. 'Cuz you can order more, yannoh. You betcha.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Minnesota, I'm cooperatin' here, We're not a bank Jerry, lolhipsters.

Fernetiquette Fashion Etiquette: 2010 SF Giants Edition

2010-02-25T16:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Giants, please pay attention.

The new striped socks are 100% pure awesome.

They even make this guy look good!

Couldn't be happier with them. Honestly.

On the other hand...

Oh dear.

The new Friday night beer league softball jerseys? Um. No. Not at all.

Got it? Good.

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Filed under: Posts about the Giants, Sartorial atrocities, HUR HUR ZITO'S CROTCH HUR HUR, MSPaint Skillz

Places You Can Get Fernet: Varnish in Los Angeles, CA

2010-02-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

Fernet was previously found in Los Angeles here.

This past weekend, I journeyed to the City of Angels in search of some saffron-infused Italian bitters. I went to several different taverns, some of which really should have served Fernet (I'm looking at you, Bar 107) but only managed to strike murky brown gold at one place. And what a place it was! Like all good bars in LA, this place was impossible to find and had no sign. Literally. It's an upscale speakeasy-style joint through an unmarked door in the back of a diner called Varnish.

Be forewarned, my friends. Varnish ain't cheap, but the perfectly-mixed concoctions you'll get will be worth every penny. This is doubly true if you order off-menu. For while the specialty drinks are worth your time, you should also feel free to rely on the considerable expertise of the waitstaff and mixologists. For example, one of my companions ordered something with gin, not sour or fizzy, "but extra delicious" and was served a simply wonderful Gershwin.

Needless to say, when I noticed Fernet-Branca on the menu (for $12 a shot no less - yikes!) I thought I'd challenge them a bit. "Whip me up something with Fernet in it," I told Devin, our (completely devastating) server. "Make it interesting."

The result: The Newark. It looked like this.

Dark bars + dark drinks = great times, dark photos

The Newark seems like a bit of an obscure concoction, but its ingredients are essentially listed as:

2 oz Applejack
1 oz Carpano Antica sweet vermouth
1 oz Maraschino liquor
2 bar spoons Fernet-Branca

It was served chilled in a cocktail glass, and it was fabulous. The brandy gave the drink a sort of cordial warmth, but this was balanced by the forward fruity notes of apple and cherry. The Fernet gave it a nice familiar kick at the finish (I have a hunch that our barkeep used more than two bar spoons in mine.) Serving it chilled mellowed the strong flavors out nicely.

Cocktail by Varnish. Décolletage by Ms. J.

Passing the Newark around the table garnered these responses:

"Sort of Christmassy, but in a good way."
"It's like an all-spice flavor in there."
"It tastes like cold spiced apple cider, with saffron and lots of booze."
"Don't know if I could finish it, but it's good."

Obviously, I finished it and would give it my highest recommendation. The next time I'm at Bourbon and Branch I'll be sure to see if they can do a Newark that measures up.

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Filed under: Places you can get Fernet, Fernet cocktails, LA is sorta OK sometimes, Los Angeles, these are a few of my favorite things, Luckily it didn't taste like New Jersey

"Hella Fernet"

2010-02-22T13:17:00.000-08:00

We're moving a little slowly from the trip to LA, but should have Fernet-related update posted shortly. In the meantime, here is a picture of what we all wish our waterclosets looked like:

Oh. My. God.

This is the decor adorning the walls in the ladies room at Vesuvio. Goodness gracious, I am in awe.

h/t Uptown Almanac

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Filed under: OMG OMG OMG, Vesuvio, There is apparently such a thing as Fernet art, And you thought North Beach was only good for mediocre pizza and strippers

All Your Updates: Tossing (Back) Footballs, Burrito Justice, and Scouting the Enemy

2010-02-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

All Your Updates to Various Things for Feb. 18

Talkin' Footballs (Just in time for baseball season!)
Prior to the Super Bowl, we tipped you off to the magic of the Football, a drink that essentially consisted of Fernet-Branca and whipped cream. Sufficiently intrigued, the lady whipped up some... um, whipped cream so we could drink the footballs while watching the footballs.

The gnome looks on... wistfully

We (er... she) decided for the sake of scientific inquiry to try both the store bought whipped cream and homemade stuff. Mixing in a bit of vanilla extract and sugar to whipping cream, she got to work:

As you can see, we lack a mixer. I have been told to remedy this.

The result was quite frankly delicious and far FAR superior to the store-bought whipped cream.

It's like a Fernet Float!

Obviously, if you're familiar with Fernet you can guess what one of these tastes like, but I will say it was better than I expected. The cream really mellowed some of the natural overpowering amaro tang. The vanilla in the homemade cream was an especially nice touch. I'd even recommend one of these to the fernet-averse, though I'd probably pour them a smaller glass.

For the sake of completeness, here's a shot of the prettier-but-not-quite-as-tasty Football with the store bought whipped cream.

You must check this out immediately or I will fight you.

If you live in San Francisco, you should be familiar with Burrito Justice. It's a blog dedicating to taking what is old and historic about San Francisco (and specifically the Mission/Bernal areas) and exposing it to the fixie-riding-fernet-swilling folks populating our neighborhoods today. If you don't know them, take some time to poke around the site because pretty much everything they do is beyond fascinating.

I bring them up today because Burrito Justice has been absolutely killing it lately, in a way relevant to this blog's second most favoritest topic: baseball. (As an aside- OMG PITCHERS AND CATCHERS PITCHERS AND CATCHERS!)

Last week, they explored how the graceful glory of Seals Stadium at the corner of 16th and Bryant was transmogrified into the Office Depot/Safeway/24 Hour Fitness monstrosity that inhabits that space today.

They took the time to overlay the schematics of Seals Stadium onto the current layout of the shopping complex, and (with some help) found the exact location of each of the bases.

He hits it high! He hits it deep! He hits it to Lane Bryant!

As if that weren't cool enough, today they went even farther back in time in a post titled "The Mission Has Always Been the Home of Baseball", wherein they drag up some amazing issues of the San Francisco Call Bulliten from 1924 which serve as the definitive history of San Francisco baseball. I don't want to ruin it (CLICK THE EFFING LINK ALREADY) but let me just say that I now consider myself an honorary member of the San Francisco Pickled Nine.

You're a handsome fella. What's your name?

A Faces of Fernet from a random schmo.

Those ceilings are the tits

Taken @ The Homestead on 19th and Folsom on Saturday, Feb. 13.

Housekeeping.
Light posting this week as I've been busy with some interesting and exciting stuff that has almost nothing to do with this blog. Should be back to normal next week.

HOWEVA, in what will probably not be an opening salvo in The Great California War but will certainly involve me talking mad shit to disinterested Dodger fans, this weekend I'll be hopping on a flight and heading directly...

...to *shudder* Los Angeles. Naturally, I'll be doing some Fernetiquette research. Stay tuned.

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Filed under: All Your Updates, Fernet Foto File, Faces of Fernet, Burrito is my favorite kind of Justice, LA is sorta OK sometimes, The Homestead, Fernet cocktails, The High Holy Church of Baseball

The Eagerly Anticipated(?) Argentinian Fernet Picture Post

2010-02-12T07:12:00.000-08:00

First off: many, many apologies for the tardiness of this post. I have been negligent in my sworn duty to provide to you sexy sexy Foreign Fernet Fotos from our Senior Traveling Correspondent and for this I subject myself to no fewer than 20 lashes and a shot of Jägermeister. (*shudder*)

So without further ado, let's get on with the shew.

First, let's meet our photographer. You first met her here. Then we learned a bit more about her here. She looks like so:

Isn't she lovely? The picture of grace and beauty. And isn't it nice that she's willing to take pictures with hideously ugly homeless passers-by? She's a saint, I tell you. A saint. Purely for the purposes of this post, let's call her "Christy." This is almost certainly not her real name.

Moving on!

Christy reported being quite surprised at the availability of a great variety of different Fernets. San Franciscans tend to think of "fernet" and "Fernet-Branca" as interchangeable. It turns out that they are not. Fernet is a type of liquor (an amaro actually, which is a subset of bitters), whereas Branca is a distillery. The Branca brand is obviously the most popular type of Fernet, but they do not own the whole Fernet universe. Nevertheless it would be quite fascinating to sample some alternative brands side-by-side. I've heard tell of a few local bars that have some, and hope to try them out soon.

But seriously, folks. Let's talk turkey. How much are we paying for our Fernet in Argentina?

HOLY CRIKEY TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS ARE YOU EFFIN... oh what's that you say? Argentina uses the "peso" rather than the dollar? OK. Little different. According to the all-powerful Google, a peso is currently worth just over 25 cents. Meaning that a Fernet and Coke will run you about $6 in Buenos Aires. You could do worse stateside.

(As an aside, how desperately do I want to know what a Fernet Todo Mundo is? EXTREMELY desperately. True fact.)

Speaking of money, I would pay piles o pesos to get my mitts on one of these babies:

In my imagination, these are the only places to sit in Argentina. While in Argentina, one may only take a load off in a brand new Branca Brand director's chair, preferably whilst lighting the cigarette of the radient-yet-sullen Argentine brunette who is sitting across from you. Of course, she only stops by momentarily to rest her feet and share a smoke, a fernet and a wry smile before flitting off to join her amigos at the book reading/political rally/orgy happening in her commune at University. This is how I picture Argentina. Please do not correct me if I am wrong.

There are also Fernet ads everywhere. I know this because it is a fact.

We've seen this one before. It's hella snazzy and sort of romantic in a weird way. But there are more. Oh yes.

I think I would understand this one if I smoked pot or went to Burning Man or something. This is like some weird Fernet-meets-David Copperfield shit. Not for me.

On the other hand:

Sign me up for ^that guy. Clean. Classic. Gorgeous.

And speaking of gorgeous...

Unico amor is right. Rrrrowr.

Finally, I leave you with this ad. In the grand tradition of my interaction with Argentinian Fernet adverts, I cannot for the life of me figure out what in the fuck is going on here:

It appears to be a bird of some sort. An eagle? A hawk? A raptor? WHAT IS THAT THING!? He is wearing a suit (maybe he has an interview!) and enjoying hisself some Fernets. But he's not just casually drinking a glass of Fernet. No, he appears to be offering someone a hit. Fine, right? But the expression on his... erm.. beak makes it clear that he's not doing it in a friendly "Let's have some bitters and share some stories old chap!" kind of way. No, it's more of a "Oh? You're not interested in finishing this shot? That's fine, just don't mind me while I gently rip out your throat with my talons and regurgitate the pulpy mass of your half-digested larynx to my needy hatchlings" kind of way.

Most peculiar.

Again, a thousand thanks to Christy for the photographs. May she always travel to places where I can guilt her into providing me with wonderful and easy content. A thousand cheers to Christy! Huzzah!

______

Filed Under: Senior BLANK Correspondent, How much are you paying for your Fernet, fernet adverts, Argentina loves them some Fernet, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Christy is hella rad, Fernet Foto File

"Fernet Branca, the cause, cure, sustainer and catalyst to so many of my adventures..."

2010-02-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

The smartly-written foodie blog NW Vivant took some time recently to compose an ode to this blog's titular beverage. The whole post is worth a read, but here's a snippet:

... Fernet is delicious in a way like coffee becomes delicious. The first time you have it you’re probably just going along with the cool kids. Perhaps, a “friend” plunks a shot before you, one round or a dozen later you love Fernet. You still don’t realize the full on radness of Fernet yet though. After all, it’s just helped you along to a pleasant cheery state. The next morning you might wake up feeling just a tad the worse for wear, you start reviewing the previous evening and swear to not drink that dark crap again. You stumble out of bed and that self-same “friend” greets you with, you guessed it, a shot or Fernet.

Your gag reflex starts to kick in as the previous evening flashes before your eyes. ‘Trust me,’ you’re told. Shuddering, you step up to the plate and miracle of miracles, about ten seconds later all is much better and you feel ready to start all over again. You think to yourself, well that’s pretty effin’ cool. It fixes the problem it causes.

Indeed not only does it fix the problem it causes, but it causes (and subsequently remedies) several problems that you didn't even know existed. Usually before you're aware of them at all.

Dark Magic is right, my friends.

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Filed Under: Fancy Fernet Free Verse, Fellow Travelers, Goddamn Google Alerts is awesome

Are You Ready for a Football?

2010-02-06T14:12:00.000-08:00

That's right. Not some football. A football.

Don't mind if I do

No, not like that. Like this.

Fill a glass with Fernet-Branca
Add a spoonful of cream, either whipped or foamed
Serve

This little concoction is called a Football. That's right, not a Fútbol. A football. And why? I have no idea. But it should go well with some chips and dips tomorrow.

Enjoy!

(Go Saints.)

_____
Filed under: Fernet cocktails, Posts about Michigan, If you are rooting for Indianapolis you are a communist

You're a real blue flame special, aren't you son?

2010-02-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

Young, dumb and full of...

*ahem*

Fernet.

Oh THAT. That looks much more appealing. And apparently, it's being served at the theater/religious experience that is Point Break Live! (Fernetiquette cannot recommend Point Break Live! highly enough, incidentally. Plays about movies about surfing are the source, man.... swear to God.)

For those of you who can't make it out, the Surfer on Acid consists of:

Fernet
Coconut Rum
Pineapple Juice &
100% Pure Adrenaline!

Bodhi tells us: If you want the ultimate, you have to pay the ultimate price. Here the ultimate price is $7.00.

Sent to me by my friend Timmy, who didn't order one because he sucks. Timmy should know that fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.
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Filed Under: Fernet cocktails, Johnny Utah would be cool if he weren't a Buckeye, Utah get me two, Vaya con Dios brah

You don't know my pain, Bill Simmons

2010-01-31T12:42:00.000-08:00

AKA Fernetiquette Fisks The Sports Guy.

If you are a fan of sportswriting and under 40 years old, you probably are familiar on some level with ESPN's Bill Simmons. He is quite literally one of the fathers of modern sports bloggery. Pretty much everyone steals from him on some level, and with good reason. He's sharp, funny and immensely knowlegeable, even if he did lose his fastball about 5 years ago. (See? There I went and did it myself.)

I like your outfit there, guy.

Recently, the Minnesota Vikings lost one of the most historically tragic games in NFL History. Not coincidentally, the Vikings are one of the most historically tragic teams in sport. This prompted Simmons to ruminate on the general topic of which teams in the four major American sports can be considered truly tortured, as opposed to teams that may kind of stink but we shouldn't really feel all that bad about in grand scheme of things.

As is typical of Simmons, he invented a bunch of arbitrary but systematic criteria to sift the purely pitiful from the merely moribund, then he ranked them in order of 1-15. These criteria were based on a column he wrote several years ago where he described the different "Levels of Losing" where level 15 is a sort of rough day and Level 1 is The Worst Moment In Your ~~Sports~~ Life, Ever. Now, I have no problem with the ranking concept. These types of columns are obviously subjective and meant to inspire debate, so it's a little pointless getting too worked up about where you end up on a list of teams you'd really rather not end up on at all.

But then he went and said this about my beloved Giants:

6. San Francisco Giants

Last Title: Never (unless you count 1954, when the team was in New York).

Last Truly Devastating Defeat: Game 6, 2002 World Series (sadly, no YouTube clip since MLB knocks any footage off YouTube in its never-ending quest to find ways to suck). Arguably a Level 1 loss. No moniker, though.

Rock Bottom: Game 6 again, though I forgot to mention the thundersticks.

Additional Thoughts: You'd think a 66-year title drought, the Bonds/BALCO fallout, a borderline Level 1 loss in 2002 and having its first World Series home game in 27 years postponed by a devastating earthquake during batting practice of the first-ever Bay Area World Series would get the message out that, "Hey, we need to start including these guys in all future Tortured Sports Cities discussions." Can you be underrated/tortured? Apparently so.

OH NO YOU DI'NT! According to Simmons, the worst moment in human history is "arguably" a "borderline" Level 1 loss, and the Giants are "underrated" as being a tortured team. I know I said earlier that it was a little pointless getting worked up about this, but what the fuck is he fucking talking about?!?!?

Charlie Brown was a Giants fan. Seriously.

Naturally, I could not let this aggression stand, man. You could say that I got worked up about it. You could say that. My (emailed) response to Mr. Simmons is below the jump.

WARNING: It is not for the faint of heart.

Borderline Level 1? BORDERLINE!?!

Look, Simmons. I must take issue with your characterization of the level of losing as "borderline" Level 1. I assume this is because, as you noted, the game lacks a snappy nickname.

First things first: Amongst Giants fans at least there are plenty of nicknames to go around. Usually we just refer to it as "Game 6", though I understand that one's been taken in the national collective consciousness. Still, if you wanted to differentiate, you could go with (Blanking) Spezio. Or you could go with The Game Ball Game (read the Russ Ortiz Wikipedia page for an explanation if you don't get it.) But really, the best one to use and the one that would absolutely cause Giants fans to double over in pain is The Dusty Baker Game.

The beginning of the end. Shoot me.

Keep in mind, Dusty lost us hundreds of games over the years because he's a terrible manager, but EVERYONE who knows Orange and Black would know what you're talking about and wail in agony. The Dusty Baker Game. Period. We were up 5-0. Ortiz was cruising. Dusty took him out. Then he mismanaged the bullpen down the stretch and that was that. I don't need to go blow-by-blow. If you were a Giants fan, you remember the hour or so it took for things to disintegrate into madness like the back of your hand.

The end of the end. Shoot me again.

Secondly, I understand you're not a National League fan and living in LA you may have been infected by the evil scourge of Dodgerdom but I don't think that you can make a credible argument that ANY NL team has been more tortured over the course of the last 35 years, Cubs included.

The Giants have been more consistently competitive than the Cubs and have had our hearts broken in much more consistent and spectacular fashion over that time period. It just doesn't get the pub for whatever reason (not going to say it but yeah.) You touched on the 89 World Series, which is painful but even without the Earthquake we weren't going to beat the A's. No, much more painful was 1993 when the Giants were legitimately the best team in baseball and missed the playoffs because Salomon Torres laid an egg and MLB hadn't yet instituted the Wild Card. That team would have destroyed the Phillies and Jays but weren't given the chance. There were other terrors. In '98 Neifi Perez hit a HR off Robb Nen to keep us out of the playoffs. That is not a typo. NEIFI PEREZ!! Do you know what the odds against that are?

THIS GUY. Unbelievable.

In 2000 Snow's miracle HR off Benitez was followed by Felix Rodriguez's meltdown the following inning. We thank Dusty for that one too. In '03 we AGAIN had the best team in baseball but lost to the Marlins in the NLCS in part because Jose Cruz, Jr. dropped a routine fly ball. True Fact: Cruz won the Gold Glove in RF that year. Do you know what the odds against THAT are?

He was a Dodger at heart

Keep in mind, this was less than a year after The Dusty Baker Game. We didn't even get a year of mediocrity to heal, it was just another kick right to the collective groin. Hooray.

I could go on with specific examples (Steve Finley, AJ Pierzynski and Dave Dravecky to name a few) but it's too depressing. The point I'm trying to make is that it's fun to write about how the Cubs are cursed and tortured and blah blah blah, but very rarely to people recognize that the people of San Francisco have NEVER tasted a World Title and have scars to match with the best of them. Meanwhile, we've had to watch the A's win 4 titles we get no end of crap from Oakland fans who don't even go to games.

Don't even get me started.

But let's extend the point a bit: The last time a team from the Bay Area won a title? 1995. That's 15 years for an area with 6 teams across the 4 major sports. The Sharks are probably too young to be considered "tortured", but they are quickly amassing an impressive reputation for world-class chokery. The Warriors are the Warriors and comfortable with being pathetic. The Niners and Raiders have both flailed around toothlessly for most of the past decade. Hell, even Cal football is perpetually disappointing. Some of that stink gets transferred to the Giants. It has to.

To sum up: I demand you upgrade the Giants epic failures from "borderline" and "underrated" to "absolute" and "horrific". I will not rest until I receive a correction.

Sincerely,

Giants Fans Everywhere.
(As represented by me.)

Once more with feeling!

P.S. I swear to effing God if you respond with something stupid like "Yeah well, you deserved it because Barry Bonds", I will fly down to LA and staple the 30,000 word columns you wrote about how broken up you were when you "found out" that Manny and Ortiz were both (BOTH!) using steroids to every lamppost in your neighborhood. Do not tempt me.

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Filed Under: Posts about the Giants, Fuck you Dusty fuck you, Bill Simmons pretty much only watches Boston teams that is a fact, searing agony, I need a drink

We'd all like to be Salinger in the end

2010-01-28T11:07:00.000-08:00

He was my favorite writer.

Cheers to you, JD. You were Great.

At least Buddy and Seymour can catch up after all these years.

Places You Can Get Fernet: Atlanta, GA

2010-01-27T08:20:00.000-08:00

A friendly tipster from the Ay Tee Ell just sent me this, um... tip.

There are actually a couple of places in glorious Atlanta where you can get Fernet, but I'm just going to tell you about one of them:

THE LOCAL

The Local is an easygoing smoke-filled institution on that most institutional of Atlanta hipster thoroughfares, Ponce de Leon. Not only do they serve cheap-ass PBR tallboys, fried okra, tasty barbecue, boiled peanuts, and THE BEST WINGS I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE... but they also have Fernet!

Sometimes they even serve it in little medicine-dispenser Dixie cups, which adds panache to that wonderful Fernet flavor.

I got mine. Let's get crunk.

Many a night you can find my friends and me crowding a booth and downing Fernet Branca in between endless baskets of wings. It's just down the street from ridiculous hipster dance club MJQ, the incredibly-underrated gay dive bar Friends, and the historic Plaza Theatre, as well as the grocery store known as "Murder Kroger."

Apparently this is an actual thing.

The Local is the sort of place where pretty much nobody is drinking a Cosmopolitan and everybody knows the words to "Raining Blood" when it comes on.

Other people who know the words to Raining Blood? That guy.

The food is cheap and delicious. Can you get better than that?

Oh wait, you can! You can serve Fernet. Score.

Sounds divine. Tip passed along by Lindsay, the twisted and charming young lady appearing at the bottom of this here Page 'O Horrors.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Atlanta, FUCK YEAH SLAYER, the yuppies here shop at Manslaughter Whole Foods, I'll bet that guy is a drummer

Fernetiquette Gets All Literary n' Stuff

2010-01-26T09:52:00.000-08:00

Have you ever googled "Fernet Branca"? You probably haven't. Not surprisingly, I have. I am writing a blog here, people. It's necessary research. Should you ever decide to give it a try, you'll notice that this site is nowhere to be found. I'm sort of bitter about our exclusion, but that's cool. After all, Life is Bitter. So it goes.

On the other hand, one of the things that you will find are several links directing you to a book by James Hamilton-Paterson called Cooking with Fernet Branca. Disappointingly, it is not a cook book.

No, that's not it. This is it.

Given that I am CLEARLY way too busy authoring a dumb blog and deciding exactly how many Snuggies de Gigantes I'll be purchasing for friends and family this Spring to read this thing myself, I asked one of my besties to give the book a spin. Here's what Fernetiquette Senior Literary Correspondent Brigid J. Barry said about Cooking with Fernet Branca :

Okay so this is basically a comedic novel about a composer (from the made-up country of Voynovia) and a ghost writer (from the made-up country of England) who become neighbors on a remote Tuscan hillside.

Tuscany: Home of the best Olive Gardens in the world.

Language and cultural barriers cause many miscommunications with hilarious (and sexy...???) results. The ghost writer is also a self-described gourmand who loves to come up with recipes that the reader will gradually realize are all a) disgusting and b) based on fernet-branca. The composer's home country has its share of fairly nauseating cuisine. The two find they have a secret affection for fernet in common, although they both insist out loud that it is vile. [This is how Fernet works, people. It's insidiously delicious and grows on you like a fungus.- Ed.] It is told in chapters that alternate between their perspectives, a technique which rarely works but which is quite effective here because both narrators are totally unreliable.

Like this minus the suck!

Overall I highly recommend it, especially if Fernet holds any place whatsoever in your heart.

Which it does, obvs.

You can buy Cooking with Fernet Branca on Amazon (HINT HINT *FOR ME* HINT HINT) and enjoy some of the lovely Ms. Barry's own work here.
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Filed Under: Cooking with Fernet Branca, Life is Bitter, It's not really that bad ya know, almost assuredly the only book review this blog will ever publish

Places You Can Get Fernet: Brooklyn, NY

2010-01-22T10:04:00.000-08:00

Head's up from the Capitol of the World. Or, well, Brooklyn.

Should you find yourself in the City of Rocks, head directly to Full Circle in Williamsburg on Grand. First, because according to my sources they serve Fernet Branca. Second, and most importantly, go there because IT'S A SKEE BALL BAR. Holy shit!

Personally, I can think of no better way to spend my time than sipping on Fernet while tossing balls at just the perfect angle to so it will rim out of the 50-point hole and fall meekly towards the gutter. EVERY. TIME. Or maybe that's just me?

Regardless, were I a Brooklander (Brooklynner? Brooklouse?), I'd be over there regularly. I mean they run a friggin' skee ball league!

Looks like a blast. This is not helping my natural San Franciscan Inferiority Complex with regards to NYC.

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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, OMG OMG OMG, Nothing better in the world than invented amateur sports leagues, I guess this makes up for spawning the Dodgers

Branca Menta: Is it the Devil?

2010-01-20T10:47:00.000-08:00

Today we look at one of many pictures of Fancy Fernet Adverts taken by our lovely traveling correspondent. But unlike the rest of her handiwork, this is not a picture of something delicious or art deco-y or exciting. Nay, my friends. This is a picture of something that Your Fernetiquette is here to warn you sternly to avoid. That thing is the Emerald Evil known as Branca Menta.

The ad is from Argentina. The Limon is apparently from Peru.

Many* of my American readers are probably thinking to themselves: "Branca Menta? What is this thing that I have never heard of or tried as it is neither hip nor offered in any bar or restaurant ever? I am SO CONFUSED." So for them, allow me to explain: Branca Menta is the Branca distillery's spin off of their wonderful Fernet-Branca.

It's not a good spinoff like A Different World. No, it's the Saved by the Bell: The College Years of Italian bitters. Except eeeevil.

Artist's rendering

I was first exposed to Branca Menta a few years ago when I noticed that the corner store on my block was selling bottles. Intrigued, I shelled out the $26.99 + tax and crv. It looked something like this.

Non-artist's rendering

Now, I (obviously) love me some Fernet. But I also looooove all things mint. Peppermint, spearmint, whatevermint... it doesn't matter, I am in and can't get enough. I take Altoids three at a time. Last year for Christmas, the ladyfriend got me a five pound brick of Ghirardelli Peppermint Bark. This year, my stocking consisted of nothing but mint candies and those adorable wee lil Fernet bottles. True story.

Point is I'm a fan of mint, see.

My favorite way to induce massive stomach cramps

Given my proclivities, I naturally assumed that the Fernet + Mint combo in Branca Menta would be like washing my tongue in pure, uncut awesome. Um... not so. Rather than finding a way to pleasantly accentuate the naturally minty-esque flavor of Fernet Branca, it tastes like they just melted in some cheap green mint chip ice cream and called it a day. Whereas Fernet-Branca is a stark herbacious punch to the palate, Branca Menta is a sickly, filmy, vaguely creamy thing with none of the verve or panache of the original. And I hated it.

I was so disgusted by the stuff that had to pawn the bottle off on a friend who mixed it with some PBR as we watched college football.

Friend not pictured

Still, this stuff is obviously quite popular in Argentina or they wouldn't bother advertising it. Maybe it would go better with cola or lemon-lime soda, but the experience was so hugely disappointing that I figured the only way I'd ever try Branca Menta again would be if I did something monumentally stupid like start a dumb blog about the Branca company's primary product.

So obviously, I've got some work to do. Sigh.

Adorable wee lil Branca Menta bottle! Evil can be cute too.

*This is a lie. I do not have many readers.

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Filed under: fernet adverts, Branca Menta is the devil, Those adorable wee lil fernet bottles, MSPaint Skillz, The Argentine Menace, no seriously it's the devil

Faces of Fernet: Matt @ Pop's

2010-01-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

What's that, Matt? You've never tried Fernet-Branca?

Fernetiquette victim du jour

Cheers!

You weren't quite expecting that, were you?

What'd you think?

[It seems that] the common reaction to a shot of Fernet is a cringe followed by a stuporous instant where bafflement overrides all preceding emotions.

Whatever you say, sailor.

Taken 12/14/09 @ Pop's. For the record, he did end up ordering another shot.

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Filed under: Faces of Fernet, Fernet Foto File, People upon whom I've forced the stuff, Pop's is for winners,

Fernet On Tap in San Francisco?!? Surely you jest!

2010-01-15T11:57:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine breathlessly forwarded Thrillist's write-up this morning of Russian Hill bar Bullitt. Nestled amongst the generally positive tone of the review lay this tantalizing morsel of 100% pure awesome:

Bullitt's legitimately the only bar in town with Fernet... on tap...

That's right... on tap. Our traveling correspondent had privately whispered in my ear of such wonders in the Argentine barscape but I didn't actually believe that something so awesome as Fernet On Tap could exist in nature. Now that I know that Fernet On Tap is not only possible but proximate, I'm practically shaking in anticipation of experiencing it for myself.

My friend asked me if Bullitt (and Thrillist's) claim that they were in fact the only SF bar with Fernet on tap was true. My response was essentially: fuck if I know, but you can bet I'll find out. Soon.

So if anyone out there can claim to have seen or experienced Fernet On Tap within The City Limits, you are under strict orders to let me know immediately.

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Filed under: Actual research-like substance, these are a few of my favorite things, OMG OMG OMG, Best McQueen Tribute Ever

All Your Updates to Various Things!

2010-01-13T17:59:00.000-08:00

A catch-all update on All Things Fernetiquette.

-Ask the Internet and the Internet Responds.
Last week, I exposed my massive ignorance by asking for help in translating an Argentine advert for Fernet-Branca. Advert in question goes here:

Naturally, lots of my friends speak the Spanish pretty good, though even they could not fully Unravel The Mystery of the Fernet Dog-Walking Advert. Most commenters bemoaned the lack of a bigger version of the image (sorry, no dice), but were able to piece together a rough translation:

The headline says something like "This is the last time I'm fetching it for you" but I'm not sure about the other text.
...

"The last time I take him out." (I don't have the phrasing quite smoothed out, but that's how I translate it.)
and
"One fewer discussion among (so) many discussions."
...

...it says "The last time, I took it/him out" and underneath "One less discussion (out of so many)." But that still isn't very enlightening.

Indeed it is not. What is the connection between, "I took him out last time" and "One less discussion (among so many)"? Maybe the illegible small print would clarify? I'm not sure. It could be a cultural reference or idiom that we're not getting. Still, one brave commenter did advance a few plausible theories:

Fernet means never having to say, "Fine, I'll take the dog out AGAIN, fer chrissakes"?

I quite liked that one but was partial to

"I took the dog out last time, so you do it this time, cos it's high time I had me some Fernet"

Perfect. I'm going with that one.

-And speaking of Argentina...
Our traveling correspondent has returned stateside with just an overwhelming number of sexy Fernet pictures and tall Fernet tales. It will take me some time to wrassle them all into one narrative, but perhaps a small preview is in order.

Sorta romantic, don't you think?

-The same thing happened while trolling for dates to the Prom.
As of yet, my email to the purveyors of Bourbon and Branch has gone un-returned. I've also reached out to a few local and related-by-subject-matter blogs of note and gotten no response. In fact, the Fernetiquette Email Inbox remains entirely barren. le sigh.

But fear not, Gentle Reader! I shall soldier on, undeterred! So, if anyone out there can think of a blog or website I should reach out to, drop me a line and I'll gladly set myself up for future rejection!

-Housekeeping:
Your Fernetiquette is all grownsed up! Now you can get to us by our old dot blogspot url AND our brand-shiny new digs at http://www.fernetiquette.com/. It's like twice the fun, but with exactly the same amount of website! Also, the twitterverse can now follow us on the twitter: @Fernetiquette.

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Filed under: fernet adverts, The Argentine Menace, Updates, You're such a super lady I get so lonely, meta, pretty sure dogs don't drink booze

Places You Can Get Fernet: Minneapolis, MN

2010-01-11T15:14:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, the Twin Cities. Nice place to visit. Honestly, it is. It's like a cleaner Chicago, with a downtown built like a hamster cage. Also: The Lakeside Club is a pretty good place for conversations with new acquaintances. Overall, I recommend the whole town*.

HOWEVA, I did spend this Christmas in Minneapolis, and in doing so visited four (4) different bars and found me some Fernet at exactly none (0) of them. This wasn't too surprising but definitely counts as a strike against the Gopher State metropolis.

So I asked a friend who'd lived there for years if he'd knew where one could get some. Earlier this year, I'd introduced him to Fernet while he was visiting SF and here were his impressions:

My first reaction was that it tasted like minty bitters. I didn't really like it or hate. I could see how it could grow on me as a drink. I was apprehensive but drank it because my attorney advised it.

Smart lad, this one. He continues.

I have had it once since then. It isn't common around here, as you can guess.

The only place here in Minneapolis that I have ever seen it is at this restaraunt that just opened called il Gatto. They have straight up or they have it on their menu in a drop shot type of drink with Lemonata Pelligrino. They call it a Branca Bomb.

Success!

Il Gatto is in Uptown Minneapolis at the corner of Hennipin and Lake at Calhoun square. Uptown is where the cool kids hang out (it's like the Mission without the burrito joints.) Whatever middling reviews the food may get from customers, you have to give Il Gatto credit for honesty on their menu**. The ingredients to the Branca Bomb ($9) are listed as:

Fernet-Branca
San Pellegrino Limonata
courage

Fair play to them. So, my Minneapolitan friend, did you try a Branca Bomb?

Of course I tried it. It was interesting, I can tell you that.

Sometimes, that's all you can ask for.

*Or "towns", as it were.
**Not exactly delicate in their words or adornments, Il Gatto's "Happy Hour" menu is decorated with a clipart picture of a cat's butthole. You have been forewarned.
______
Filed under: Places you can get Fernet, Fernet cocktails, Minnesota, Prince orders his with extra courage, Goh Gohphers, Fernets and their migratory patterns

Life is Pretty OK

2010-01-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

Saturday night.

Taken @ The 500 Club on 1/9/10. Mmmm. The shot cost $6. The view was priceless.

Next week, we'll follow up on the Mystery Dog advert, as well as check in with our returning Argentine correspondent. We'll also look at some Fernet-friendly places from around the country. Stay tuned.

______

Filed Under: 500 Club, Fernet Foto File, Updates, these are a few of my favorite things, How much are you paying for your Fernet

Pay Your Respects, Imperial Subjects!

2010-01-08T14:21:00.000-08:00

120 years ago today in front of Old St. Mary's Church on Grant and California, "[o]n the reeking pavement, in the darkness of a moon-less night under the dripping rain..., Norton I, by the grace of God, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, departed this life.".

Like Frank Chu multiplied by one thousand awesomes

Norton was on his way to lecture at the California Academy of Science the night he died. Have you ever been invited to lecture at the California Academy of Science? No. You haven't. And you probably aren't homeless and delusional. Norton was. How does that make you feel?

Hemlock = Bad. Fernet = Good.

During his life, he also dissolved the United States, abolished Congress, criminalized political parties, saved a group of immigrants from anti-Chinese rioters, ordered the construction of the Bay Bridge, advocated for abolition, established laws against people calling his fair city by detestable names, and got the SF board of supervisors to buy him new clothes even though he had repeatedly ordered their arrest. Norton had plays written for him and about him. Mark effing Twain wrote an epitaph for Norton's dog. Dude straight up invented his own currency...

...and San Francisco shopkeepers actually accepted it. Kinda makes your life seem pretty pathetic, don't it? You should be nodding, because it really really does.

Oh, and he also rode fixies before they were cool. Suck on THAT, hipsters.

Probably on his way to Zeitgeist

In short, Emperor Norton won at life. And I don't mean he "won at life" in that lame internet way that people say when someone posts a gif of cute fuzzy panda bears going down slides. I mean he really, actually Won at Life. Period. The end.

So to commemorate his death, I toast to him. The Emperor, the Protector, the Man. May he live in our hearts forever.

_______

Filed Under: San Francisco in general, Emperor Norton was better than you, lolhipsters, dubious historical comparisons, ginger backs go well with hemlock actually

Musical Interlude: The Treniers - Say Hey

2010-01-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

A better song about a baseball player you will not find.

Man, I hate the offseason. Can you tell?

____
Filed under: Posts about the Giants, Musical Interludes, The High Holy Church of Baseball

Fernetiquette asks The Internet for help

2010-01-05T12:02:00.000-08:00

Continuing with our recent Argentine theme, I present to you this Fernet advert that for the life of me I cannot figure out.

Confession time: I don't speak Spanish. At all. I was stupid in high school and thought it would be a better idea to try my hand at Français. As you can imagine, this was a bad call. My rudimentary knowledge of sloppy high school French was moderately useful during the week I spent in Quebec 7 years ago but it has not exactly served me well during the ten years I have lived in and around the Mission. Nor does it help me figure out this here advertisement.

For what it's worth, the Babelfish translation of the headline is spectacularly unhelpful:

I to it complete time removes

You don't say.

I also ran it by a friend who said she spoke "Very, very awkward" Spanish and she had some theories, but I wanted to test them against The Theories of The Internet. A translation would be helpful, but any insight as to what Fernet has to do with walking your dog would be ideal. So... help? Please and thank you.

_______

Filed under: Fernet adverts, a normal person might have taken a class or something by now, pretty sure dogs don't drink booze, Argentina loves them some Fernet

Fernet-Branca at Bourbon and Branch: The Eva Peron

2010-01-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Twenty-Teens, my friends! Did everyone use Fernet-Branca to wipe away your New Year's Day hangovers? I did, of course. Don't ask whether it worked because I don't remember.

Here at Fernetiquette, we also rang in 2010 by getting gussied-up and heading to the best little speakeasy in the city for a three hour session this Saturday night. I'd been to Bourbon and Branch a dozen or so times, so imagine my surprise when I perused the ever-shifting cocktail menu and my eyes lit upon this tall drink of water:

Don't keep your distance

Yes my friends, The Eva Peron. It appeared at the bottom of the last page of the Cocktails from Around The World section of the menu. The ingredients were listed as

Fernet-Branca
Carpano Antica (A sweet vermouth produced by the Branca distillery.)
Ginger liquor
Lime juice
Ginger beer

The menu noted that the Peron was an homage to Argentina and San Francisco's appreciation for Fernet. Naturally, I ordered it immediately. Unfortunately, due to the strict house rules I could not take a picture of the resulting concoction's presentation, but it was beautifully served in a collins glass over ice with a slice of lime. Approximately the color of whiskey and water, The Eva Peron was (like most everything at Bourbon and Branch) sublimely delicious.

Before I tasted it, I was a little wary of how much I would enjoy it as I'm not a huge fan of ginger flavors, but strangely the Fernet managed to be both front-and-center and quite subtle. I don't claim to have the most sophisticated palate for this sort of thing, but the lime and the effervescence from the ginger beer even seemed to help separate some of the floral and herbal notes from the Fernet. The overall effect was a complex, refreshing cocktail that had an earthy, almost wooden flavor... but in a good way.

Bottom line, I thought this was damned tasty. If they canned it and sold it in tall boys at corner stores, I'd buy a twelve-pack. Even one of my most staunchly Fernetphobic companions had this to say:

"It was interesting. I don't know if I would have finished the whole thing, but it was definitely not unpleasant."

High praise!

I have put in an email to Bourbon and Branch to see if I can ask some questions about how they came up with the idea for The Eva Peron and see if I can get a better idea of the recipe. I'll report back if I hear anything in return.

_____

Filed under: Fernet cocktails, It's not really that bad ya know, Bourbon and Branch, Drinks named after former heads of state, The Argentine Menace, actual research-like substance

More Dispatches from Afar: Buenos Aires, Argentina

2009-12-29T07:46:00.000-08:00

Another holiday treat! This one coming from Your Fernetiquette's Senior Dirty Hippie Correspondent. We catch up with Her Granolatude as she travels to the one place on Earth that could possibly claim to love Fernet more than San Francisco does. That's right, she's in the Lion's den: Argentina.

Washington Monument II, The Wrath of George

Here, she shares her story of her night out on the town with her gentleman friend. In an effort to protect his good name, we'll call him "Dan".

Greetings! Having a fantastic time thusfar in Buenos Aires ... Already seeing a lot of amazing architecture and interesting things and, of course, Fernet and Fernet ads.

I'll write up something more coherent later but I'll share this with you:

In the bar last night Dan tried to order a Fernet. I'm not sure what the precise language barrier seemed to be on this matter but he ended up with a Fernet Cola, because she explained, she thought he couldn`t possibly have wanted just a shot of Fernet as it is, in fact, not good. [Editor's note: BLASPHEMY!]

(please note: this is a somewhat loosely translated version of what she said. but you get the point.)

I get the point indeed: Argentinians are a bunch of ninnies. Albeit ninnies who write catchy tunes about their ninny drinks. Por ejemplo:

Try to get THAT baby out of your head for the next four hours. You're welcome.

Oh! I almost forgot! Our correspondent added one delicious post-script to her note:

And I'm taking pics of ads all over the place.

Yay more free content yay!

____
Filed under: Drink it like a man you pansies, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Fernet on the Tubes, Senior BLANK Correspondent, Fernet and Cola, It's not really that bad ya know, The Argentine Menace

Places You Can Get Fernet: Los Angeles, CA

2009-12-28T08:36:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Fernetizens! I write from vacation in the snowy midwest to pass along this tidbit from our Senior Los Angeles correspondent.

Well hello there.

Taken at the Down and Out, at 5th and Spring in Downtown Los Angeles. Our correspondent reports:

"I believe they gave me the shot for free. :-)"

Happy Holidays indeed!
_______

Filed under: Places you can get Fernet, Senior BLANK Correspondent, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Los Angeles, LA is sorta OK sometimes, How much are you paying for your Fernet.

Contemplating the Oakland Athletics of San Jose in the Long Dark Tea Time of the Offseason

2009-12-22T07:07:00.000-08:00

Despite promising to from the very beginning, I’ve yet to write about anything but our Bitter of Choice. The FerneTyranny ends now(!) with a piece about… the Oakland A’s!?

Make no mistake my friends, Your Fernetiquette is no Athletics fan. Nay, the blood in my veins is black as pitch and orange as uh… an orange. I’ve considered legally changing my name to Mrs. Tim Lincecum IV, Esq. I recently saw Pablo Sandoval order a sandwich at a local Subway and freaked out like a little girl and mass texted everyone I knew. Point is I’m a San Franciscan and a Giants fan. I only concern myself with the A’s when I’m talking friendly smack with my A’s fan friends or they’re crushing us in a championship series. Thankfully for me the former happens far more often than the latter. The rest of the time I could not care less about them. I acknowledge that they are a solid franchise with a great history, but they’re also one which is pretty easy for me to ignore (I’m not the only one, as evidenced by their “attendance”. ZING~!)

Fan Appreciation Day at the Coliseum!

To this day it honestly perplexes me as to why Oakland fans in general have such fervent animosity towards the Giants. The clearest example of this was that almost every A’s fan I knew rooted for Anaheim against San Francisco in the 2002 World Series, even though

A) Anaheim and Oakland are in the same division and routinely beat each others’ brains out,
B) they were rooting for effing SoCal over their Northern California brethren, and
C) if another converse World Series happened (A’s-Dodgers), every Giants fan alive would slather themselves in green and yellow while making daily human sacrifices at the altar of Vida Blue to prevent another blasphemous Dodger world title.

Nevertheless, when the Giants ended up losing, I had to put up with more razzing from A’s fans than I did from Dodgers or Angels fans. Which: annoying! (True fact: When I asked my A’s-fan brother-in-law why this was the case, he responded with a straight face that the A’s and Angels “aren’t really division rivals.” Hand to Mays, he said it.)

Blessed be His name

Anyway, in general I don’t get it. HOWEVA, when it comes to the whole “Giants-blocking-the-A’s-theoretical-move-to-San Jose” thing, the vitriol begins to make sense. Look, far be it from me to deny that the Giants have legal territorial rights over San Jose under their agreement with Major League Baseball. The Giants paid for them and the A’s didn’t, so neener neener. That said, rather than getting the City Attorney of San Francisco to throw his weight behind preventing the move wholesale, why don’t we just use this to work something out? After all, no one wants to be forced to live in Oakland so forcing them to stay is unnecessarily cruel. We just have to use a little leverage, baby. Leverage. Given that the Giants literally bid against themselves to re-sign Barry Bonds every 5 years I know this is sort of a foreign concept to Sabean, so I’ll lay it out slowly.

Below the jump, allow me to present you with my ~~ransom note~~ list of demands in exchange for relinquishing the San Jose territory and allowing the A’s to move to Silicon Valley. If Beane and the boys can agree to this list, then the Siege of San Jose is over and the entire city of Oakland is free to re-locate south. So without further ado:
1) Rickey Henderson's Hall of Fame Plaque is changed to a Giants hat. Since SF is the only major league team Rickey never played for, this would be somewhat poetic.

Think about it. We can make this happen!

2) The A’s issue a retroactive apology for callously taking advantage of the Loma Prieta Earthquake by starting Dave Stewart and Bob Welch in games 3 and 4 of the 1989 World Series, robbing us of any chance to make it a series. ARRGH ONE GAME THAT’S ALL I ASK FOR ARRGH.

3) Beane has to hire Sabean as an intern for up to three (3) full weeks. Afterwards, Sabes gets an autographed copy of Moneyball, a letter of recommendation and a year’s subscription to Baseball Prospectus.

4) A’s fans universally have to stop being so fucking smug about Barry Zito. Seriously you guys, we get it.

*Sigh*

5) Oakland must retire Jose and Ozzie Canseco’s numbers. In doing so, it forces the A’s to acknowledge that as big a cheater as our guy may have been their guys were a) doing it first and b) not nearly as good at it. Retiring Geronimo Berroa’s number is optional but encouraged.

6) Until which time when the A’s move to their new stadium in San Jose, all interleague games between the A’s and Giants shall take place at China Basin. Because we don’t want to play in the Coliseum any more either. Really, just ew.

Look, with all due respect to my South Bay readers (who almost certainly do not exist), San Jose isn't really all that nice a place anyway. They don't seem to be amused at the Giants power play at any rate. What's more their hockey team has ugly colors and I have it on good authority that they drink their Fernet like huge wussies. So why spend all this energy hanging on to it?

It's not worth it. So long as we can get the above meager concessions, the Giants will come out far ahead. Trust me.

_______
Filed under: Posts about the Giants, lolsabean, Drink it like a man you pansies, Rickey being Rickey being Rickey, Cities in the Lesser Bay Area, MSPaint Skillz

Something about these ads speaks to me

2009-12-20T17:08:00.000-08:00

...even though I can't exactly make out what they're saying.

One for Branca...

One for Cinzano...

I dunno. Can't quite put my finger on it, but whatever it is I can relate.

_____
Filed under: Fernet adverts, Fernet on the Tubes, Fernet Non-Branca, le sigh

Yes please, ma'am. I'll take two.

2009-12-19T14:21:00.000-08:00

A couple of adverts from the "Shockingly Unique" campaign to share today. First this one:

Larger version available here

And then this one, which I actually prefer even though the scan is bad:

I can't say exactly what's so "Shockingly Unique" about the young lady in ad #2, but I'm not complaining. The ads are stylish, sexy and visually interesting. Consider my appetite whetted.

The text in both is as follows:

Fernet-Branca is like nothing you've ever tasted. [Not so sure I agree with you 100% on your policework there, Fernet Ad guy - Ed] It's strong, aggressive and not for the easily intimidated; but the closely guarded secret recipe rewards the adventurous with a bold taste, and leaves you feeling revitalized and alive. Try a shot of Fernet-Branca and you'll experience over 40 herbs picked in four continents that give it a natural and unique flavor.

I find it interesting that both ads recommend trying "a shot" of Fernet, yet both feature a glass of Fernet and cola next to the bottle (though Sailor Moon Lady above admirably isn't bothering with any of that fey mixer stuff). In my anecdotal experience, most San Franciscans take their medicine straight up. Fernet and cola (or "Fernet con coca" more accurately) is more of an Argentinian thing.

Also peep the return of the alligator in ad #1. As we all have learned, the Branca family had used gators for years in their advertisements because they were famous for their digestive abilities.

So everything old is new again. Just, you know... sluttier.

___
Filed under: fernet adverts, Shockingly Unique, Fernet True Facts, Fernet and Cola, Drink it like a man you pansies

Fernetiquette Gets Fan Mails: Fernet Makes the Yuletide Gay

2009-12-17T07:49:00.000-08:00

Opened the old mailbox this morning, and what to my wondering eyes should appear? A letter! From a far away foreign place where the world is dark and cold and there is nothing to live for (aka "Wisconsin"). A letter about Fernet! Huzzah!

Dear Fernetiquette,

[Note- He didn't actually say "Dear Fernetiquette", but I'm pretending it did because these things seem better when they're formalized- Ed.]

You have inspired me. If I can't think of a gift for someone, I'm at least giving them Fernet. I ordered six bottles; I hope that's enough.

Six bottles is only enough if you're stocking up for the evening 'round these parts. I can't speak for the 'Sconnies.

But wait! There's more!

I'm giving at least two of them to my hipster nephews in Brooklyn. I'll reference your blog on the card!

OH HELL YEAH WE'RE FAMOUS NOW! Seriously, my sincere thanks for the hat tip. I'm beyond gratified that this blog could facilitate the distribution of Italian amaro to as many as six (6) more people throughout the country! This, frankly, is more than I figured I'd ever accomplish with this thing. I'm kind of gobsmacked.

So to celebrate this momentous occasion and the birth of this here website (and um... Jesus, I guess) here are some pictures of Your Fernetiquette's Christmas tree, courtesy of Lady Fernetiquette.

Yep, she made it herself. I know, I know. I'm a lucky fella.

May your trees be as Fernet-adorned as those two lucky scenester kids in the BK.

Things I've Been Told Fernet Tastes Like: Not for dumping in sweaters

2009-12-16T19:36:00.000-08:00

Fernet =

Yeah, I can sort of see that one, actually.

I was told this on December 14, 2009 at Pop's Bar by an acquaintance trying it for the first time.

How Much Are You Paying For Your Fernet?: The Mint Karaoke Lounge

2009-12-14T19:22:00.000-08:00

$6.50 per shot of Fernet-Branca

^^^
(Not a typo)

Look, I love The Mint about as much as anyone. Probably more. My considerable Karaoke skillz have engendered enough fawning worship from the clientele that the door people and KJs know me, so I don't need to be told the deal. I understand that if you are going to the Mint, you are going for silly, campy extravagance and the best Karaoke song book in the Western Hemisphere. You are not typically going for a cheap and quiet place to wage solemn, solitary war on your liver. I get it. Really, I do.

That said: SIX DOLLARS AND FIFTY FUCKING CENTS!? Unconscionable. C'mon guys. Tell me this was a mistake.

"...Fernet means never having to say you're sorry."

2009-12-12T15:49:00.000-08:00

Oh, SF Appeal. Just when I think I'm out, you pull me back in.

Fernet love stories are like the Aesop's Fables of San Francisco. For example: One time a couple was bickering in a bar. What they were arguing about is irrelevant, suffice it to say it looked like the fight would never end. Finally, one of them looked the other straight in the eye and said, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you Fernet," and their jaws dropped like they had just heard that the SF Weekly had made up with The Guardian. It was clear that the fight was over, and they would be together for a long time, because every San Franciscan knows that Fernet means never having to say you're sorry.

I'll forgive the eye-roll-inducing reference to a local print "journalism" rivalry that I'm sure 99.6% of San Franciscans don't know or care about, because that last line is pure literary genius. That's the sort of linguistic pyrotechnics that I'd expect from Cormac McCarthy or Chabon or the dude who writes Clatter, but never from the online styrofoam that is SF Appeal. Nay, that last phrase is gorgeous. A work of art. I'm thinking of getting it tattooed on my throat, y/n?

The article also uses my favorite Fernet advert as the article's picture.

Lookit that guy! He's so happy! It's like all he's ever wanted out of life is to squeeze the shit out of that Fernet bottle and dress like an old drag queen. And now his life's goals are fulfilled. It warms the cockles.

The last two paragraphs of the piece, on the other hand, I could do without:

San Franciscans like to travel, and will often try to order Fernet at bars in places like Eugene Oregon. San Franciscans aren't idiots, they know as well as anyone that people in Oregon only drink microbrews, but they use this as a way to test the bartender.

If the bartender stares blankly and offers them Jager he/she has failed, but if the bartender looks at the San Franciscan with a wry smile and says, "You must be from San Francisco," then that bartender has totally passed, and is going to get a personal invitation to stay with this San Franciscan the next time he/she travels south.

I don't like this if only because it presages a feature of this here website, which just makes me look like I stole the whole idea, which is both totally preposterous and very probably true. Either way: NOT A FAN.

And that's where Fernet-Branca comes into it...

2009-12-09T21:48:00.000-08:00

Ohhhh, Dr. Huxtable. You're such a card.

Something is clever in the state of Denmark

2009-12-09T11:35:00.000-08:00

click to embiggen

Heaven will direct it to my tummy.

This here website says this ad is Danish, and if it's on the internet it must be true. The "Life is Bitter" tagline is wonderful. Odds of me stealing that in the future: 127%.

Fernetiquette True FAQs

2009-12-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Fernetiquette,

I've got lots of questions.
Awesome. But that's... not really a question.

I know. I'm just saying I have them and that they may or may not be asked frequently.
Oh. I suppose you'd like me to answer them in a timely fashion, then?

Ideally.
Typical.

I'll probably get on with it now-ish.
Solid. Fire when ready.

(cont'd after the jump)

Why are you blogging about Fernet? Do you really love it that much?
Sort of. Look, I recognize that Fernet is never going to be described as "delicious" by your typical joe sixpack, but for whatever reason it's one aspect of the San Francisco scenester culture that I really relate to. I don't have a fixie, I'm not a vegetarian, I'd look positively retarded in skinny jeans and I kind of hate the idea of Burning Man (I really really dig showers, see.) So really all I've got is Fernet. Don't take that from me, man.

So do you drink Fernet all the time?
Ye gods no. On the occasion that I go out drinking, I'll usually start with a shot of Fernet and a beer to chase. Or if I've just had a huge meal, I'll enjoy it as a digestif.

A digestif? Does that work?
Seems to.

I'm not sure I buy it.
Do you want me to show you the evidence?

Ew.
Exactly. Don't challenge me, motherfucker.

OK, anything else?
Yes. If I'm outside the Bay Area and I'm at a bar that serves Fernet, I am constitutionally incapable of not ordering one. I guess it makes me feel smug and San Franciscan even far, far away. Also, if I discover that you've never tried it I'm buying you one. Mainly because I am a sadistic bastard and I like the faces you people make when it goes down.

Fascinating. So does this blog make you some sort of Fernet expert?
Absolutely not. I'm not a bartender or a mixologist and I don't work in the beverage industry. I'm just a dude who likes booze and has some time to kill. Still, I do have a curious nature and like cataloging things, so who knows what time may bring.

I take it that "Fernetiquette" isn't your Christian name?
No. That would be an eerie coincidence. I've decided to blog anonymously for probably slightly paranoid professional reasons. This may change. We'll see.

What are your thoughts on ginger backs?
Look, I don't need training wheels. I'm waaaaayyyyyy too hardcore for that. (I also don't take any sugar with my morning fancy man tea. WORSHIP ME.) That said, if you're someone who likes it that way, more power to you. I'm not going to begrudge anyone their individual Fernexperience.

So the header says you'll "probably talk about other things too". What kind of other things are we talking about? I swear to god if this turns into another tumblr about Dolores Park or a blog about your favorite iPhone apps or... vegan cupcakes or something, I'm leaving.
No. Look, I can't predict exactly where I'm going with this right now. I can almost guarantee that I'll talk about the Giants because few things go together better than baseball and saffron-infused Italian bitters. Odds are good that I'll talk about San Francisco in general, as well as music and film. I might talk about politics, but probably not too much. Also, I have an irrational obsession for University of Michigan football, so count on a post or two slobbering over Tate Forcier. Bottom line: Don't limit me. I promise it will be mostly relevant to the title topic.

...mostly.

December 7th, 2005: A Day that Coincidentally will Also Sort Of Live in Moderate Infamy

2009-12-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

Why would that December day be so important as to warrant mention somewhere on the internet? Because that was the day this vital masterpiece of investigative journalism was published:

The legendary liquid in that emerald bottle is more than merely San Francisco's preferred method of self-medication; it's an intoxicating fairy tale. And even though Dammann's story is one that demonstrates the devotion of Fernet's fans, in a city that drinks more of the liqueur than any other locale in the United States and more per capita than any place on Earth, there are plenty of asses on barstools with a story to tell about Fernet-Branca. And in telling the tales, they continue the life of the drink itself, which was born of myth, and somehow along the way has become perfectly suited to San Francisco's palate.

This is how Fernet-Branca came to thin the lifeblood of our city.

And now, four years later, there's a half-assed blog dedicated to lazily chronicling said thinning of aforementioned lifeblood. As you can see, it's an important signpost in human history. So please gentle reader, take the time today to review the article in its entirety. Allow yourself to reflect on what ~~Pearl Harbor Day~~ Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article Publishing Day means to you personally and the future of America. Also, there will be a pop quiz.

More on the Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article as it develops...

Places I've had Fernet: Ann Arbor, Michigan

2009-12-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

FOUND AT: Zingerman's Roadhouse in Ann Arbor, Michigan on the evening of September 26, 2008.

THE STORY: While waiting for a table, I purchased a shot at the bar for myself and one for my old man. Someone next to me heard the order and asked if I was from San Francisco. I said yes. The bartender said he couldn't recall anyone ever ordering the stuff before.

I finished my shot. Dad did not. I forgave him. Michigan beat Wisconsin the next day 27-25. We yelled ourselves hoarse and sang The Victors arm-in-arm.

Things I've been told Fernet tastes like: I wouldn't try that if I were you.

2009-12-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

Fernet =

OH: long ago. Probably multiple times.

Let's give this thing a whirl now, shall we?

2009-12-03T17:20:00.000-08:00

Um, hi.