Fernetiquette Gets All Literary n' Stuff

Have you ever googled "Fernet Branca"? You probably haven't. Not surprisingly, I have. I am writing a blog here, people. It's necessary research. Should you ever decide to give it a try, you'll notice that this site is nowhere to be found. I'm sort of bitter about our exclusion, but that's cool. After all, Life is Bitter. So it goes.

On the other hand, one of the things that you will find are several links directing you to a book by James Hamilton-Paterson called Cooking with Fernet Branca. Disappointingly, it is not a cook book.

No, that's not it. This is it.

Given that I am CLEARLY way too busy authoring a dumb blog and deciding exactly how many Snuggies de Gigantes I'll be purchasing for friends and family this Spring to read this thing myself, I asked one of my besties to give the book a spin. Here's what Fernetiquette Senior Literary Correspondent Brigid J. Barry said about Cooking with Fernet Branca :

Okay so this is basically a comedic novel about a composer (from the made-up country of Voynovia) and a ghost writer (from the made-up country of England) who become neighbors on a remote Tuscan hillside.

 

Tuscany: Home of the best Olive Gardens in the world.

Language and cultural barriers cause many miscommunications with hilarious (and sexy...???) results.  The ghost writer is also a self-described gourmand who loves to come up with recipes that the reader will gradually realize are all a) disgusting and b) based on fernet-branca.  The composer's home country has its share of fairly nauseating cuisine.  The two find they have a secret affection for fernet in common, although they both insist out loud that it is vile. [This is how Fernet works, people. It's insidiously delicious and grows on you like a fungus.- Ed.] It is told in chapters that alternate between their perspectives, a technique which rarely works but which is quite effective here because both narrators are totally unreliable.

Like this minus the suck!

Overall I highly recommend it, especially if Fernet holds any place whatsoever in your heart. 

Which it does, obvs.

You can buy Cooking with Fernet Branca on Amazon (HINT HINT *FOR ME* HINT HINT) and enjoy some of the lovely Ms. Barry's own work here.
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Filed Under: Cooking with Fernet Branca, Life is Bitter, It's not really that bad ya know, almost assuredly the only book review this blog will ever publish

Fernet-Branca at Bourbon and Branch: The Eva Peron

Welcome to the Twenty-Teens, my friends! Did everyone use Fernet-Branca to wipe away your New Year's Day hangovers? I did, of course. Don't ask whether it worked because I don't remember.

Here at Fernetiquette, we also rang in 2010 by getting gussied-up and heading to the best little speakeasy in the city for a three hour session this Saturday night. I'd been to Bourbon and Branch a dozen or so times, so imagine my surprise when I perused the ever-shifting cocktail menu and my eyes lit upon this tall drink of water:

Don't keep your distance

Yes my friends, The Eva Peron. It appeared at the bottom of the last page of the Cocktails from Around The World section of the menu. The ingredients were listed as

• Fernet-Branca
• Carpano Antica (A sweet vermouth produced by the Branca distillery.)
• Ginger liquor
• Lime juice
• Ginger beer

The menu noted that the Peron was an homage to Argentina and San Francisco's appreciation for Fernet. Naturally, I ordered it immediately. Unfortunately, due to the strict house rules I could not take a picture of the resulting concoction's presentation, but it was beautifully served in a collins glass over ice with a slice of lime. Approximately the color of whiskey and water, The Eva Peron was (like most everything at Bourbon and Branch) sublimely delicious.

Before I tasted it, I was a little wary of how much I would enjoy it as I'm not a huge fan of ginger flavors, but strangely the Fernet managed to be both front-and-center and quite subtle. I don't claim to have the most sophisticated palate for this sort of thing, but the lime and the effervescence from the ginger beer even seemed to help separate some of the floral and herbal notes from the Fernet. The overall effect was a complex, refreshing cocktail that had an earthy, almost wooden flavor... but in a good way.

Bottom line, I thought this was damned tasty. If they canned it and sold it in tall boys at corner stores, I'd buy a twelve-pack. Even one of my most staunchly Fernetphobic companions had this to say:

"It was interesting. I don't know if I would have finished the whole thing, but it was definitely not unpleasant."

 High praise!

I have put in an email to Bourbon and Branch to see if I can ask some questions about how they came up with the idea for The Eva Peron and see if I can get a better idea of the recipe. I'll report back if I hear anything in return.

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Filed under: Fernet cocktails, It's not really that bad ya know, Bourbon and Branch, Drinks named after former heads of state, The Argentine Menace, actual research-like substance

More Dispatches from Afar: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Another holiday treat! This one coming from Your Fernetiquette's Senior Dirty Hippie Correspondent. We catch up with Her Granolatude as she travels to the one place on Earth that could possibly claim to love Fernet more than San Francisco does. That's right, she's in the Lion's den: Argentina.

Washington Monument II, The Wrath of George

 Here, she shares her story of her night out on the town with her gentleman friend. In an effort to protect his good name, we'll call him "Dan".

Greetings! Having a fantastic time thusfar in Buenos Aires ... Already seeing a lot of amazing architecture and interesting things and, of course, Fernet and Fernet ads.

I'll write up something more coherent later but I'll share this with you:

In the bar last night Dan tried to order a Fernet. I'm not sure what the precise language barrier seemed to be on this matter but he ended up with a Fernet Cola, because she explained, she thought he couldn`t possibly have wanted just a shot of Fernet as it is, in fact, not good. [Editor's note: BLASPHEMY!]

(please note: this is a somewhat loosely translated version of what she said. but you get the point.)

I get the point indeed: Argentinians are a bunch of ninnies. Albeit ninnies who write catchy tunes about their ninny drinks. Por ejemplo:

Try to get THAT baby out of your head for the next four hours. You're welcome.


Oh! I almost forgot! Our correspondent added one delicious post-script to her note: 

And I'm taking pics of ads all over the place.

 Yay more free content yay!

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Filed under: Drink it like a man you pansies, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Fernet on the Tubes, Senior BLANK Correspondent, Fernet and Cola, It's not really that bad ya know, The Argentine Menace

Things I've Been Told Fernet Tastes Like: Not for dumping in sweaters

Fernet =












Yeah, I can sort of see that one, actually.

I was told this on December 14, 2009 at Pop's Bar by an acquaintance trying it for the first time.

And that's where Fernet-Branca comes into it...

Ohhhh, Dr. Huxtable. You're such a card.