At Long Last, Your Fernetiquette Returns! (In COMIC Format!!)

Figured I'd dust off the old Bloggin' space to acknowledge this here thing right here:

Awesome cover, no? Oh, and there's also this:

Come celebrate the BRAND NEW “Comic Book Guide to the Mission”! Gather and meet many of the creators of this fabulous and entertaining neighborhood resource. Food! Drinks! Fun!

Featuring the talents of: Sean Chiki (Wunderkammer), Jamaica Dyer (Weird Fishes), Andrew Farago (The Cartoon Art Museum, William Bazillion), Shaenon K. Garrity (Narbonic, Skin Horse), Justin Hall (All Thumbs Press, True Travel Tales, Glamazonia), Mario Hernandez (Love and Rockets, Citizen Rex), Greg Hinkle, Nomi Kane (Chutzpah!), Jonas Madden-Connor (Ochre Ellipse), Paul Madonna (All Over Coffee), Omar Mamoon (The Mission: Taco), Amy Martin(Bachelor Girl, The Single Girls), John Mathis, Aindrila Mukhopadhyay, Roman Muradov (Sad Comics), Jen Oaks, Ariel Schrag (Potential,Likewise, Ariel and Kevin Invade Everything), Matt Stewart (The French Revolution), Alfred Twu (First Cultural Industries), Dan V. (American Objects), Geoff Vasile (Trackrabbit), Jeff Walker, Mike White (Amity Blamity), Clint Woods (Fernetiquette), and Rick Worley (A Waste of Time). Plus, behold this amazing cover by Chuck Whelon (Pewfell)

Ahem.

I have my very own copy, and it's wonderful. The story I submitted turned out great all comic-ified, and I'm just thrilled to have been a part of it. A huge, huge thank you to the lovely and talented Lauren M. Davis for allowing me to participate in such an exciting project. For those of you who live in the area, y'all should come down to the launch party this Friday, March 11 · 7:00pm - 10:00pm at Mission Comics and Art. I'll be there!

Now, we'll see if all this fame inspires me to write a bit more often. We'll see!

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Filed Under: Fernetiquette Gets Famouser and Famouser All The Time, keeping up with this blog is hard sometimes., The Comic Book Guide to The Mission, San Francisco in general, Pop's is for winners

Actual Research-Like Substance: Scott Brody's Epic Eva Peron Story

Once in a while Your Fernetiquette pretends to be An Actual Blogger instead of being some schmo who assigns everything a cutsie tag and calls it a day. I admit it's not often, but on occasion I do put legitimate effort into this little webspace.

For example, about five months ago I took the time to type out an ENTIRE EMAIL(!!) that politely asked the purveyors of Bourbon and Branch how they managed to come up with the delicious Fernet-based cocktail known as the Eva Peron. Naturally, I didn't follow up on that email in any way, shape or form. I've been wayyyy too busy to spend my time in the dogged pursuit of truth.

Still my friends, I am here today to testify that you do indeed reap what you sew. Yes, this weekend I received the following note from Mr. Scott Brody, the lead bartender at Epic Roasthouse re: the origins of The Peron:

If you're still interested in the story behind the Eva Peron (and even if you aren't) here it is:

We had a liquor rep trying like hell to get Canton ginger liqueur into Epic back in 2008.  Shortly after bringing it in, we got a call from him to arrange a party for a friend of his.  His friend was going to Argentina on an "epic" adventure and he wanted a specialty cocktail containing Canton for the party.  

 Epic: Pictured

We agreed to try and come up with something, and I took the two ideas: Argentina and Canton, to Tony Nik's in North Beach where I knew Darren Crawford was working.  Our friend and fellow bartender Jake Cornell was there, and the three of us started brainstorming.  I knew that Fernet mixed well with Sweet Vermouth from cocktails such as the Hanky Panky, and everyone in SF knows it pairs well with ginger.  Furthermore, I knew that Fernet is wildly popular in Argentina.  We can't remember exactly who came up with the lime, or who thought of trying ginger ale; but Darren started mixing, decided on equal parts of Carpano Antica, Fernet and Canton, squeezed in half a lime, shook everything and topped it with ginger ale.  We tasted it, decided that ginger beer would work best, and voila, a cocktail is born.  We came up with the name Eva Peron, because the Evita cocktail already exists (nasty thing with Midori in it). 

The drink was a hit at the party, and once Darren started working at Bourbon & Branch, he brought the Eva Peron with him.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me, or come by Epic and I'll be happy to mix up an Eva for you.

Cheers,  

-Scott Brody.

 Odds of me taking Mr. Brody up on that offer? Excellent.

(Srsly tho: Many thanks to Scott for the story!!! Now everyone immediately go to Epic and tip like a Rockefeller.)
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Filed Under: Actual research-like substance, Bourbon and Branch, Epic in the non-internet way, Fernet cocktails, The Argentine Menace, San Francisco in general, Don't act like I never do anything for you people

The Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v. 1.0

It's funny. I never really started this blog with the idea of serving as some sort of Fernet authority. In fact, I explicitly disavowed any such notion in the FAQs. I started this blog because the name popped into my head one day after a terribly long night at Pop's and I thought "Huh huh. That'd be a good name for a blog or something."

And off we went.

Reposting because it's still my favorite

Then I got going a bit. And then I garnered a few readers. Then one day out of the clear blue sky, someone determined that this blog was about "Fernet Etiquette". Which: OK. I guess that makes sense. I may not be a bartender or a mixologist or someone with any specialized knowledge on the subject whatsoever... but I am a San Franciscan who drinks Fernet. Seeing as how San Francisco drinks somewhere between 35-50% of the Fernet in the United States AND I'm the only person within San Francisco to start a blog about it, I think the issue is settled: I am an authority on Fernet etiquette. Res ipsa loquitur.

I should note that while I did not ask for this responsibility, I shall not shrink from it. Thus, Allow me to present Fernetiquette's Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v 1.0. (A work in progress.):

1. If you've never tried Fernet, you must seek it out immediately. I mean it. Look, whether you like it or you think it could peel the paint off the walls, Fernet is distinctive enough that it absolutely has to be sampled. Nay, not sampled: savored. Contemplated. Experienced. You must try it or you are not a complete person. Yes, Fernet is that powerful. Get to it.
2. Don't think about it. Don't smell it. Don't hesitate. Just drink it. Whether you decide to shoot it or sip it, just dive right in. I will warn you: You will hate it the first time it touches your lips. That said, as soon as that warm clean menthol feeling hits your gut, you'll start to understand what is the big deal about Fernet. But I assure you my friend, it will be just a start.
3. Ginger backs are acceptable, but not necessarily encouraged. The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article declares Fernet with Ginger to be "the style of drinking Fernet-Branca that is most popular in San Francisco." Whatever. If that's what it takes for you to handle the stuff, fine. I can't say I didn't need something to clear my palate after the first time I tried Fernet. HOWEVA... after a few months of practice, feel free to remove the training wheels. Put on your big boy pants and graduate to beer. Or hell, vodka.
4. If you meet someone who hasn't tried it, you are obligated to buy them a shot. This is non-negotiable. Iron-clad. 
5. If you are in somewhere outside of San Francisco and you see Fernet behind the bar, you are mandated to order it under penalty of law. Also non-negotiable. As a corollary: if the bartender then asks you if you are from San Francisco, you are obligated to tip like a Rockefeller and buy them a shot of their own.
6. San Franciscans may not drink Fernet and cola in public within the city limits. Why? Because it's just not how we do things here and everyone else will point and laugh. In fact, unless you work for Bourbon and Branch or you're going to stir it in directly with your Pabst, you should probably just leave Fernet cocktails to the auslanders. Now, if you're barricaded inside the relative privacy of your own $1850/month-250-square-foot junior bedroom suite in the Excelsior and you decide to indulge in the forbidden pleasure of a Fernet con Coca, so be it. Just be sure the blinds are securely closed. Dear God, no one else wants to see that shit.
7. The artificial "You are not supposed to drink alcohol until X time of day" rules do not apply to Fernet. Fernet is not just a delicious spirit. No my friends. It's also a hangover cure. It's also a fantastic digestif. In short: it's a miracle drink. Therefore it is appropriate for consumption twenty-four hours a day. If anyone looks askance at you, refer them to me. Besides, it's always noon somewhere.

Any other suggestions to add to the Official Rules? Post them in the comments.

So it is written, and so it shall be.
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Filed Under: THE RULES AS I DECLARE THEM TO BE, San Francisco in general, The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article, I come from a long line of functional alcoholics, Fernet and Cola, Pop's is for winners, meta

This Seems Relevant to My Interests

Via Uptown Almanac, it's Mike Giant doing something... amazing.

OK. First off:

 Brah-VO!

Well done, sir.

Naturally, I have a few small qualms

1. What on Earth is Skylark doing there? You might as well go with Blondie's and be done with it.
2. I probably would have included Elbo Room.
3. I definitely would have included House of Shields, though I understand if we're discounting Downtown and Yuppie SOMA.

That's... pretty much it. Pretty much every other time I thought to myself "Oh, what about..." it was already on there. My roommate Timmy objected to the absence of Tonga Room, but I think these are mostly not expensive/touristy/frat boy places. Hence the absence of Bourbon and Branch, Hobson's Choice and every bar in the Marina.

Oh, and I've been to THIRTY-EIGHT of those bars. Tell the truth: you're a little impressed, aren't you? Of course you are.
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Filed Under: Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, San Francisco in general, thats fuckin art man art, Pop's is for winners, Fellow Travelers, I sense a pub crawl coming on

Pay Your Respects, Imperial Subjects!

120 years ago today in front of Old St. Mary's Church on Grant and California, "[o]n the reeking pavement, in the darkness of a moon-less night under the dripping rain..., Norton I, by the grace of God, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, departed this life.".

Like Frank Chu multiplied by one thousand awesomes

Norton was on his way to lecture at the California Academy of Science the night he died. Have you ever been invited to lecture at the California Academy of Science? No. You haven't. And you probably aren't homeless and delusional. Norton was. How does that make you feel?

Hemlock = Bad. Fernet = Good.

During his life, he also dissolved the United States, abolished Congress, criminalized political parties, saved a group of immigrants from anti-Chinese rioters, ordered the construction of the Bay Bridge, advocated for abolition, established laws against people calling his fair city by detestable names, and got the SF board of supervisors to buy him new clothes even though he had repeatedly ordered their arrest. Norton had plays written for him and about him. Mark effing Twain wrote an epitaph for Norton's dog. Dude straight up invented his own currency... 

...and San Francisco shopkeepers actually accepted it. Kinda makes your life seem pretty pathetic, don't it? You should be nodding, because it really really does.

Oh, and he also rode fixies before they were cool. Suck on THAT, hipsters.

Probably on his way to Zeitgeist

 

In short, Emperor Norton won at life. And I don't mean he "won at life" in that lame internet way that people say when someone posts a gif of cute fuzzy panda bears going down slides. I mean he really, actually Won at Life. Period. The end.

 

So to commemorate his death, I toast to him. The Emperor, the Protector, the Man. May he live in our hearts forever.

 

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Filed Under: San Francisco in general, Emperor Norton was better than you, lolhipsters, dubious historical comparisons, ginger backs go well with hemlock actually

How Much Are You Paying For Your Fernet?: The Mint Karaoke Lounge

$6.50 per shot of Fernet-Branca


^^^
(Not a typo)

Look, I love The Mint about as much as anyone. Probably more. My considerable Karaoke skillz have engendered enough fawning worship from the clientele that the door people and KJs know me, so I don't need to be told the deal. I understand that if you are going to the Mint, you are going for silly, campy extravagance and the best Karaoke song book in the Western Hemisphere. You are not typically going for a cheap and quiet place to wage solemn, solitary war on your liver. I get it. Really, I do.

That said: SIX DOLLARS AND FIFTY FUCKING CENTS!? Unconscionable. C'mon guys. Tell me this was a mistake.

"...Fernet means never having to say you're sorry."

Oh, SF Appeal. Just when I think I'm out, you pull me back in.

Fernet love stories are like the Aesop's Fables of San Francisco. For example: One time a couple was bickering in a bar. What they were arguing about is irrelevant, suffice it to say it looked like the fight would never end. Finally, one of them looked the other straight in the eye and said, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you Fernet," and their jaws dropped like they had just heard that the SF Weekly had made up with The Guardian. It was clear that the fight was over, and they would be together for a long time, because every San Franciscan knows that Fernet means never having to say you're sorry.

I'll forgive the eye-roll-inducing reference to a local print "journalism" rivalry that I'm sure 99.6% of San Franciscans don't know or care about, because that last line is pure literary genius. That's the sort of linguistic pyrotechnics that I'd expect from Cormac McCarthy or Chabon or the dude who writes Clatter, but never from the online styrofoam that is SF Appeal. Nay, that last phrase is gorgeous. A work of art. I'm thinking of getting it tattooed on my throat, y/n?

The article also uses my favorite Fernet advert as the article's picture.

Lookit that guy! He's so happy! It's like all he's ever wanted out of life is to squeeze the shit out of that Fernet bottle and dress like an old drag queen. And now his life's goals are fulfilled. It warms the cockles.

The last two paragraphs of the piece, on the other hand, I could do without:

San Franciscans like to travel, and will often try to order Fernet at bars in places like Eugene Oregon. San Franciscans aren't idiots, they know as well as anyone that people in Oregon only drink microbrews, but they use this as a way to test the bartender. 

If the bartender stares blankly and offers them Jager he/she has failed, but if the bartender looks at the San Franciscan with a wry smile and says, "You must be from San Francisco," then that bartender has totally passed, and is going to get a personal invitation to stay with this San Franciscan the next time he/she travels south.

I don't like this if only because it presages a feature of this here website, which just makes me look like I stole the whole idea, which is both totally preposterous and very probably true. Either way: NOT A FAN.

Fernetiquette True FAQs

Dear Fernetiquette, 

I've got lots of questions.
Awesome. But that's... not really a question.

I know. I'm just saying I have them and that they may or may not be asked frequently.
Oh. I suppose you'd like me to answer them in a timely fashion, then?


Ideally.
Typical.

I'll probably get on with it now-ish.
Solid. Fire when ready.

(cont'd after the jump)