The Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v. 1.0

It's funny. I never really started this blog with the idea of serving as some sort of Fernet authority. In fact, I explicitly disavowed any such notion in the FAQs. I started this blog because the name popped into my head one day after a terribly long night at Pop's and I thought "Huh huh. That'd be a good name for a blog or something."

And off we went.

Reposting because it's still my favorite

Then I got going a bit. And then I garnered a few readers. Then one day out of the clear blue sky, someone determined that this blog was about "Fernet Etiquette". Which: OK. I guess that makes sense. I may not be a bartender or a mixologist or someone with any specialized knowledge on the subject whatsoever... but I am a San Franciscan who drinks Fernet. Seeing as how San Francisco drinks somewhere between 35-50% of the Fernet in the United States AND I'm the only person within San Francisco to start a blog about it, I think the issue is settled: I am an authority on Fernet etiquette. Res ipsa loquitur.

I should note that while I did not ask for this responsibility, I shall not shrink from it. Thus, Allow me to present Fernetiquette's Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v 1.0. (A work in progress.):

1. If you've never tried Fernet, you must seek it out immediately. I mean it. Look, whether you like it or you think it could peel the paint off the walls, Fernet is distinctive enough that it absolutely has to be sampled. Nay, not sampled: savored. Contemplated. Experienced. You must try it or you are not a complete person. Yes, Fernet is that powerful. Get to it.
2. Don't think about it. Don't smell it. Don't hesitate. Just drink it. Whether you decide to shoot it or sip it, just dive right in. I will warn you: You will hate it the first time it touches your lips. That said, as soon as that warm clean menthol feeling hits your gut, you'll start to understand what is the big deal about Fernet. But I assure you my friend, it will be just a start.
3. Ginger backs are acceptable, but not necessarily encouraged. The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article declares Fernet with Ginger to be "the style of drinking Fernet-Branca that is most popular in San Francisco." Whatever. If that's what it takes for you to handle the stuff, fine. I can't say I didn't need something to clear my palate after the first time I tried Fernet. HOWEVA... after a few months of practice, feel free to remove the training wheels. Put on your big boy pants and graduate to beer. Or hell, vodka.
4. If you meet someone who hasn't tried it, you are obligated to buy them a shot. This is non-negotiable. Iron-clad. 
5. If you are in somewhere outside of San Francisco and you see Fernet behind the bar, you are mandated to order it under penalty of law. Also non-negotiable. As a corollary: if the bartender then asks you if you are from San Francisco, you are obligated to tip like a Rockefeller and buy them a shot of their own.
6. San Franciscans may not drink Fernet and cola in public within the city limits. Why? Because it's just not how we do things here and everyone else will point and laugh. In fact, unless you work for Bourbon and Branch or you're going to stir it in directly with your Pabst, you should probably just leave Fernet cocktails to the auslanders. Now, if you're barricaded inside the relative privacy of your own $1850/month-250-square-foot junior bedroom suite in the Excelsior and you decide to indulge in the forbidden pleasure of a Fernet con Coca, so be it. Just be sure the blinds are securely closed. Dear God, no one else wants to see that shit.
7. The artificial "You are not supposed to drink alcohol until X time of day" rules do not apply to Fernet. Fernet is not just a delicious spirit. No my friends. It's also a hangover cure. It's also a fantastic digestif. In short: it's a miracle drink. Therefore it is appropriate for consumption twenty-four hours a day. If anyone looks askance at you, refer them to me. Besides, it's always noon somewhere.

Any other suggestions to add to the Official Rules? Post them in the comments.

So it is written, and so it shall be.
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Filed Under: THE RULES AS I DECLARE THEM TO BE, San Francisco in general, The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article, I come from a long line of functional alcoholics, Fernet and Cola, Pop's is for winners, meta

Adventures in Internet Blogging, Pt. I.

Hello gentle readers. Allow me to take a small break from your regularly scheduled travelin' and boozin' and researchin' about boozin' to peel back the curtain a little bit on some of the subtleties of having a "web log".

Folks who have had a blog know that whether you're trying to scratch out a living or you're just starting out at some point the amount of traffic you get on a day-to-day basis becomes something of an obsession. I can't say exactly why it happens for those of us who aren't ever planning on making any money off blogging. It's probably narcissism (or at least that's the explanation with which I'm most comfortable.)

Regardless, this obsession is a universal thing. Bloggers pore over their traffic numbers like they're religious screeds. They analyze and determine the types of posts that are the most popular (here at Fernetiquette these babies are by far the most google friendly) and the posts that no one bothers reading at all (basically everything else.) This is a daily ritual, and for most of us it's a sad, silent struggle against sanity.

However, one of the great joys of compulsively checking your traffic numbers is seeing exactly how people stumble upon your site. The average reader may not know this, but when you load Fernetiquette I can see a whole lot about you. Not only do I get information on how many people view my page, but I am told those visitors' locations, their browser settings and how long they spend on my site before clicking off to look at lolcats. Most interestingly, I am also told the link that brought you here. I ALSO see it when people find me through a google search and I see what the google search was that drew the hit. As you can guess, google searches are often pretty funny.

For example, last Friday I posted this about the Eastern Standard in Boston, Mass. Because no Fernetiquette post would be complete without pithy, immature tag I slapped one on the bottom of it that said "Tom Brady is a Handsome Man." I did this for a few reasons. One because before Tom Brady was the quarterback for the Patriots, he played for Michigan.

Proof

As I explained in the True Faqs, I am a rabid Michigan Football fan. It is also true that Tom Brady is in fact quite handsome.

Proof pt. II. You know you want him.

Astute readers will note that my description of the Eastern Standard's "Heather in Queue" cocktail used the word "foxy". Less than an hour after throwing that baby up, I got a hit from someone in South Korea who had apparently googled "Tom Brady foxy". I found this amusing. You may find this sad or unremarkable, but this gets back to the Pathetic Life of Your Poor Blogger.

Along similar lines someone in Pinole, CA recently found me through this search, which ha ha google suggestion lulz.

Not quite as tasty. Or dangerous.

But my absolute favorite example of this phenomenon so far is the apparent confluence of this post about Varnish in Los Angeles and this one about the Football cocktail which produced a google result for Fernetiquette when someone searches for (I kid you not) "homemade cream for décolletage". Insert relevant picture here:

Insert inappropriate joke here.

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UPDATES! So speaking of The Eastern Standard, behold the Power of the Twitternets!

Re-tweet away, minions!

To say that the post on Friday was the Most Popular Fernetiquette Post ever is a bit of an understatement. Someone in Boston found it Monday morning, tweeted about it and BOOM this blog hit triple-digit page loads for the first time in its young life. And there was much rejoicing.

There was also some helpful clarification. In the comments to that post, Frederic answers our question about Ms. Heather:

This cocktail is named for a regular Friday-night customer who was standing “in queue” when Jackson created this drink for her as a replacement for the Hoskins, “as I was running out of the then famous 164-bottle stash of Amer Picon that I picked from a dusty corner of the Martignetti warehouse.”

More at the Drink Boston link, which Frederic also helpfully provides. FWIW, My friend Aly who lives in Boston but is unfortunately not a Fernetophile had this to say about The Eastern Standard:

The Eastern Standard is the only good place to get a drink in the Fenway area. It's near the park, but manages to stay douche bag free.

So there you have it. More Fernet, Fewer Douchebags. How can you go wrong?
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Filed Under: meta, The Pathetic Life of Your Poor Blogger, Tom Brady is a handsome man, Boston, these are a few of my favorite things, All Your Updates, Fellow Travelers, MSPaint Skillz

Falling

Hi. My name is Clint. I'm a chronically under-employed attorney who plays guitar in a silly punk rock band on the side. This is my blog.

It's been a few weeks since I used this space. I know my four readers were very upset/might have been curious/were not bothered at all at my absence. Fear not my friends, I'm back.

Anyhoo, I took this picture the other night on a date night with my ladyfriend.

Going forward, I think this blog will be a little bit more personal and a little bit broader in focus. Of course, I'll still talk about our favorite Italian digestif, but I think I'll also use this space for more personal reflection as needed. I hope all four of you stick with.

I took the above picture at Vesuvio, which I also talked about here. It was date night with Theresa, and we had a very nice time. She took this picture:

...which I liked for obvious reasons. Tee hee.

Regular postings should resume now.
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Filed Under:  Fernet Foto File, And you thought North Beach was only good for mediocre pizza and strippers, Vesuvio, Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, meta.

All Your Updates to Various Things!

A catch-all update on All Things Fernetiquette.

-Ask the Internet and the Internet Responds. 
Last week, I exposed my massive ignorance by asking for help in translating an Argentine advert for Fernet-Branca. Advert in question goes here:

Naturally, lots of my friends speak the Spanish pretty good, though even they could not fully Unravel The Mystery of the Fernet Dog-Walking Advert. Most commenters bemoaned the lack of a bigger version of the image (sorry, no dice), but were able to piece together a rough translation:

The headline says something like "This is the last time I'm fetching it for you" but I'm not sure about the other text.

... 

"The last time I take him out." (I don't have the phrasing quite smoothed out, but that's how I translate it.)
and
"One fewer discussion among (so) many discussions."

 ...

...it says "The last time, I took it/him out" and underneath "One less discussion (out of so many)." But that still isn't very enlightening.

Indeed it is not. What is the connection between, "I took him out last time" and "One less discussion (among so many)"? Maybe the illegible small print would clarify? I'm not sure. It could be a cultural reference or idiom that we're not getting. Still, one brave commenter did advance a few plausible theories:

Fernet means never having to say, "Fine, I'll take the dog out AGAIN, fer chrissakes"?

I quite liked that one but was partial to

"I took the dog out last time, so you do it this time, cos it's high time I had me some Fernet"

Perfect. I'm going with that one.

-And speaking of Argentina...
Our traveling correspondent has returned stateside with just an overwhelming number of sexy Fernet pictures and tall Fernet tales. It will take me some time to wrassle them all into one narrative, but perhaps a small preview is in order.

Sorta romantic, don't you think?

-The same thing happened while trolling for dates to the Prom.
As of yet, my email to the purveyors of Bourbon and Branch has gone un-returned. I've also reached out to a few local and related-by-subject-matter blogs of note and gotten no response. In fact, the Fernetiquette Email Inbox remains entirely barren. le sigh.

But fear not, Gentle Reader! I shall soldier on, undeterred! So, if anyone out there can think of a blog or website I should reach out to, drop me a line and I'll gladly set myself up for future rejection!

-Housekeeping:
Your Fernetiquette is all grownsed up! Now you can get to us by our old dot blogspot url AND our brand-shiny new digs at http://www.fernetiquette.com/. It's like twice the fun, but with exactly the same amount of website! Also, the twitterverse can now follow us on the twitter: @Fernetiquette.

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Filed under: fernet adverts, The Argentine Menace, Updates, You're such a super lady I get so lonely, meta, pretty sure dogs don't drink booze

Fernetiquette True FAQs

Dear Fernetiquette, 

I've got lots of questions.
Awesome. But that's... not really a question.

I know. I'm just saying I have them and that they may or may not be asked frequently.
Oh. I suppose you'd like me to answer them in a timely fashion, then?


Ideally.
Typical.

I'll probably get on with it now-ish.
Solid. Fire when ready.

(cont'd after the jump)

Let's give this thing a whirl now, shall we?

Um, hi.