Friday, February 12, 2010

The Eagerly Anticipated(?) Argentinian Fernet Picture Post

First off: many, many apologies for the tardiness of this post. I have been negligent in my sworn duty to provide to you sexy sexy Foreign Fernet Fotos from our Senior Traveling Correspondent and for this I subject myself to no fewer than 20 lashes and a shot of J├Ągermeister. (*shudder*)

 So without further ado, let's get on with the shew.

First, let's meet our photographer. You first met her here. Then we learned a bit more about her here. She looks like so:
Isn't she lovely? The picture of grace and beauty. And isn't it nice that she's willing to take pictures with hideously ugly homeless passers-by? She's a saint, I tell you. A saint. Purely for the purposes of this post, let's call her "Christy." This is almost certainly not her real name.

Moving on!

Christy reported being quite surprised at the availability of a great variety of different Fernets. San Franciscans tend to think of "fernet" and "Fernet-Branca" as interchangeable. It turns out that they are not. Fernet is a type of liquor (an amaro actually, which is a subset of bitters), whereas Branca is a distillery. The Branca brand is obviously the most popular type of Fernet, but they do not own the whole Fernet universe. Nevertheless it would be quite fascinating to sample some alternative brands side-by-side. I've heard tell of a few local bars that have some, and hope to try them out soon.

But seriously, folks. Let's talk turkey. How much are we paying for our Fernet in Argentina?

HOLY CRIKEY TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS ARE YOU EFFIN... oh what's that you say? Argentina uses the "peso" rather than the dollar? OK. Little different. According to the all-powerful Google, a peso is currently worth just over 25 cents. Meaning that a Fernet and Coke will run you about $6 in Buenos Aires. You could do worse stateside.

(As an aside, how desperately do I want to know what a Fernet Todo Mundo is? EXTREMELY desperately. True fact.)

Speaking of money, I would pay piles o pesos to get my mitts on one of these babies:
In my imagination, these are the only places to sit in Argentina. While in Argentina, one may only take a load off in a brand new Branca Brand director's chair, preferably whilst lighting the cigarette of the radient-yet-sullen Argentine brunette who is sitting across from you. Of course, she only stops by momentarily to rest her feet and share a smoke, a fernet and a wry smile before flitting off to join her amigos at the book reading/political rally/orgy happening in her commune at University. This is how I picture Argentina. Please do not correct me if I am wrong.

There are also Fernet ads everywhere. I know this because it is a fact. 

We've seen this one before. It's hella snazzy and sort of romantic in a weird way. But there are more. Oh yes.

I think I would understand this one if I smoked pot or went to Burning Man or something. This is like some weird Fernet-meets-David Copperfield shit. Not for me. 

On the other hand:

Sign me up for ^that guy. Clean. Classic. Gorgeous. 

And speaking of gorgeous...

Unico amor is right. Rrrrowr.
Finally, I leave you with this ad. In the grand tradition of my interaction with Argentinian Fernet adverts, I cannot for the life of me figure out what in the fuck is going on here:

It appears to be a bird of some sort. An eagle? A hawk? A raptor? WHAT IS THAT THING!? He is wearing a suit (maybe he has an interview!) and enjoying hisself some Fernets. But he's not just casually drinking a glass of Fernet. No, he appears to be offering someone a hit. Fine, right? But the expression on his... erm.. beak makes it clear that he's not doing it in a friendly "Let's have some bitters and share some stories old chap!" kind of way. No, it's more of a "Oh? You're not interested in finishing this shot? That's fine, just don't mind me while I gently rip out your throat with my talons and regurgitate the pulpy mass of your half-digested larynx to my needy hatchlings" kind of way. 

Most peculiar.

Again, a thousand thanks to Christy for the photographs. May she always travel to places where I can guilt her into providing me with wonderful and easy content. A thousand cheers to Christy! Huzzah!
Filed Under: Senior BLANK Correspondent, How much are you paying for your Fernet, fernet adverts, Argentina loves them some Fernet, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Christy is hella rad, Fernet Foto File

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