Fernet On Tap is a Real Actual Thing

I can swear to the above statement in a court of law. Because last night, I ventured all the way over to the expensive side of the City to Bullitt and saw it with my very own eyes. It was glorious.

Hella OMGs!

Let's get a close-up view on that bad boy.

Yep. That's right. It's an an adorable wee lil Fernet bottle stuck on a tap. And that tap dispenses Fernet. It's like a unicorn gumdrop fountain made of $100 bills. Too good to be real. If they had one of these at The Homestead I'd probably try to move in.

Unfortunately, they don't have one at The Homestead or anywhere else in my general area, so I'm forced to go all the way to Fernet Central/Russian Hill to sample Fernet On Tap. Russian Hill is A) pretty far from me, and B) basically the Marina. More on B) later, but let's just say I'm glad they weren't checking neighborhood passports too closely.

So what did Fernet On Tap taste like? To be honest, it tasted a heck of a lot like regular Fernet. It may have been slightly more "open" and a tiny bit less sharp, but it was still Fernet so it still had plenty of prickliness to spare. Theresa, our ever-present companion and photographer, said it tasted "warmer". I think that's right, though none of the variances are present to a large extent. Bottom line: you really have to work hard to taste the difference.

This should not be a surprise. Fernet does not exactly present the subtlest of flavor palates. You can fuss with the margins all you like, but you're not going to alter the big picture a whole bunch. Fernet On Tap will still walk up to you and slug you in the face just like Fernet Not On Tap will. The only difference may be in the exact angle of the right cross.

I don't have much more to say about Bullitt itself, so allow me to comment on Russian Hill in general. First, this is the window of the bar right next door from Bullitt:

Yes, that's a gigantic bottle of Fernet-Branca with branchy tree-like things growing out of it. Well, OK. Cheers to you Cresta's 2211 Club. Your window display is beautiful like a rainbow.

Secondly, upon leaving Bullitt and heading back up Polk street towards my friend Such A Clatter's car, we passed yet another bar. Out from said bar came stumbling a prototypical Marina DudeBrah. He wasn't wearing an Ed Hardy T-Shirt, but I can only assume that was because he was at the end of a laundry cycle. At any rate, he stumbled up to our band of merry folks, nudged me on the elbow and pointed across the street towards an attractive young lady in the crosswalk.

"Hey man," he slobbered. "Wouldn't you like to get up inside that?"

Somewhat stunned, I laughed it off and said "Oh yeah, man. Absolutely."

She had apparently heard the exchange and was obviously smitten by the high compliment paid to her by our unnamed drunkard, because she turned towards us, raised a heavily manicured hand and went "WOOOOO!!!!"

Ahh, young love. You stay classy, Russian Hill. 
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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, Best McQueen Tribute Evar, Russian Hill, DudeBrahs, Fernet Foto File, MSPaint Skillz, Fernet On Tap, Actual research-like substance.

Russian Hill is Officially Fernet Central

As a proud Mission District resident this is an obviously difficult admission. Unfortunately, given the events of the past 24 hours the truth can be denied no longer. Russian Hill takes their Fernet more seriously than any other neighborhood in San Francisco. They are Kings of Fernet.

 The Queen of Fernet. (No relation.)

Take a second to let that sink in, my fellow Missionites. Shake off your south-of-market hipster prejudices, re-align your worldview, take a deep breath... then continue. No matter how much it may hurt, we have to come to terms with this simple salient situation: Another neighborhood in San Francisco does Fernet better than we do. That neighborhood is Russian Hill.

Still not buying it? Allow me to explain.

Pivoting off our recent discussion of the quixotic obsession with internet traffic, this site got a sizable jolt yesterday when the extraordinarily popular foodie blog Tasting Table linked to yours truly in their write up of the new phenomenon of Fernet On Tap. Because I am self-centered and like seeing my name in print, the link looked like this:

  As you can see, I'm taking celebrity in stride.

More relevantly to my thesis, the article noted the availability of Fernet On Tap at Bullitt. Bullitt is a bar on Polk between Vallejo and Green in (yep) Russian Hill. Thrillist got the scoop on Bullitt's tap two months ago (and Fernetiquette lamely followed) so it is not quite BREAKING NEWS that one can get Fernet On Tap in San Francisco. HOWEVA, Tasting Table also mentioned that Tonic Bar, which is another Russian Hill bar a block and change from Bullitt, now also features Fernet On Tap. It is not an exaggeration to say that this development is one of the greatest things to ever happen to humankind.

I will freely admit that math is not my strong suit, but the equation here seems pretty definitive. We now have TWO bars in ONE neighborhood that have Fernet On Tap vs. ZERO bars that have Fernet On Tap anywhere else in America. That adds up to unrivaled, unchallenged, undisputed dominance. I'm sorry, Mission bars. You may be cheaper and closer to me, but until you install a Fernet spigot at Pops, Benders, Uptown or 500 Club, you'll continue to play second fiddle.

Until then: Russian Hill is Fernet Central. So it is written, and so it shall be.

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Filed Under: Fernet On Tap, Russian Hill, Fernetiquette Gets Famouser and Famouser All The Time, fernet adverts, Best McQueen Tribute Evar, Tonic Bar, I should leave my hood once in a while

Fernet On Tap in San Francisco?!? Surely you jest!

A good friend of mine breathlessly forwarded Thrillist's write-up this morning of Russian Hill bar Bullitt. Nestled amongst the generally positive tone of the review lay this tantalizing morsel of 100% pure awesome:

Bullitt's legitimately the only bar in town with Fernet... on tap...

That's right... on tap. Our traveling correspondent had privately whispered in my ear of such wonders in the Argentine barscape but I didn't actually believe that something so awesome as Fernet On Tap could exist in nature. Now that I know that Fernet On Tap is not only possible but proximate, I'm practically shaking in anticipation of experiencing it for myself.

My friend asked me if Bullitt (and Thrillist's) claim that they were in fact the only SF bar with Fernet on tap was true. My response was essentially: fuck if I know, but you can bet I'll find out. Soon.

So if anyone out there can claim to have seen or experienced Fernet On Tap within The City Limits, you are under strict orders to let me know immediately.

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Filed under: Actual research-like substance, these are a few of my favorite things, OMG OMG OMG, Best McQueen Tribute Ever