Fernet On Tap is a Real Actual Thing

I can swear to the above statement in a court of law. Because last night, I ventured all the way over to the expensive side of the City to Bullitt and saw it with my very own eyes. It was glorious.

Hella OMGs!

Let's get a close-up view on that bad boy.

Yep. That's right. It's an an adorable wee lil Fernet bottle stuck on a tap. And that tap dispenses Fernet. It's like a unicorn gumdrop fountain made of $100 bills. Too good to be real. If they had one of these at The Homestead I'd probably try to move in.

Unfortunately, they don't have one at The Homestead or anywhere else in my general area, so I'm forced to go all the way to Fernet Central/Russian Hill to sample Fernet On Tap. Russian Hill is A) pretty far from me, and B) basically the Marina. More on B) later, but let's just say I'm glad they weren't checking neighborhood passports too closely.

So what did Fernet On Tap taste like? To be honest, it tasted a heck of a lot like regular Fernet. It may have been slightly more "open" and a tiny bit less sharp, but it was still Fernet so it still had plenty of prickliness to spare. Theresa, our ever-present companion and photographer, said it tasted "warmer". I think that's right, though none of the variances are present to a large extent. Bottom line: you really have to work hard to taste the difference.

This should not be a surprise. Fernet does not exactly present the subtlest of flavor palates. You can fuss with the margins all you like, but you're not going to alter the big picture a whole bunch. Fernet On Tap will still walk up to you and slug you in the face just like Fernet Not On Tap will. The only difference may be in the exact angle of the right cross.

I don't have much more to say about Bullitt itself, so allow me to comment on Russian Hill in general. First, this is the window of the bar right next door from Bullitt:

Yes, that's a gigantic bottle of Fernet-Branca with branchy tree-like things growing out of it. Well, OK. Cheers to you Cresta's 2211 Club. Your window display is beautiful like a rainbow.

Secondly, upon leaving Bullitt and heading back up Polk street towards my friend Such A Clatter's car, we passed yet another bar. Out from said bar came stumbling a prototypical Marina DudeBrah. He wasn't wearing an Ed Hardy T-Shirt, but I can only assume that was because he was at the end of a laundry cycle. At any rate, he stumbled up to our band of merry folks, nudged me on the elbow and pointed across the street towards an attractive young lady in the crosswalk.

"Hey man," he slobbered. "Wouldn't you like to get up inside that?"

Somewhat stunned, I laughed it off and said "Oh yeah, man. Absolutely."

She had apparently heard the exchange and was obviously smitten by the high compliment paid to her by our unnamed drunkard, because she turned towards us, raised a heavily manicured hand and went "WOOOOO!!!!"

Ahh, young love. You stay classy, Russian Hill. 
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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, Best McQueen Tribute Evar, Russian Hill, DudeBrahs, Fernet Foto File, MSPaint Skillz, Fernet On Tap, Actual research-like substance.

Maybe the Best Thing I've Ever Seen, Ever

This is all over the intertubes today but whatevs because OMG.

You see, Giants? You score when you actually touch the plate. Style points are extra, though they also have the potential make you immortal.

h/t Brigid
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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, This has absolutely zero to do with Fernet Branca, The High Holy Church of Baseball, Profiles in Amazingism, No really watch it again it's the best thing ever, 5 runs in 4 games arrrgh

Okay, Okay, I'll Try Fernet Con Coca.

It's hard to argue that I'm some kind of Fernet purist. While my preferred way to take it is in shot form, I have obviously enjoyed my fair share of some entirely scrumptious Fernet concoctions. So why is it that until now I've resisted trying the most popular (and easiest to make) Fernet cocktail in the world?

Frankly, I have no idea. I like Fernet. I like Coke. I drink enough of either ingredient that I would conservatively estimate my bloodstream is typically around 40% Fernet and Coke anyway. But the idea of ordering a Fernet and Coke gets my dander up.

Maybe I blanch at Fernet Con Coca because I'm defensive of the idea that you'd have to water it down to make it palatable. It's definitely also a bit of (ahhh my old familiar friend) San Franciscan Pretentiousness. Regardless, the idea of cutting my delicious Fernet with something as pedestrian as cola has spurred me to deploy not just one but two derogatory (and probably offensive) tags to refer to Fernet Con Coca on this blog.

Well, folks. It's time to suck it up and try it. For science!

Pictured: ingredients. Not pictured: irrational internal scorn.

As an aside, the bottle above cost me almost $30 with tax at the liquor store across the street. And yet I paid it. Don't ever say I don't do anything for you people.

Dramatic reflection shot!

For the sake of completeness, here's how to make a Fernet Con Coca.

• One shot of Fernet-Branca
• Coca-Cola
• Ice

*sigh*

At least they look pretty

Look, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Fernet and Coke tastes exactly how you'd expect it to taste. The cola waters the Fernet down so it's less punchy, but not so much that you can't still get the flavor. It's fine. A little blander than I'd like it to be, but fine. The best thing I can say about Fernet Con Coca is that mixing it like this prolongs the Fernet experience and the ice and cold coke make it more of a summer-y refreshing drink. Like a Tom Collins that'll put hair on your chest. I just can't see myself drinking this regularly is all.

FWIW, The Ladyfriend liked it more than I did. Here were her thoughts:

It's kind of an interesting balance in this drink, it seems. Sometimes it seems as though it doesn't take much Fernet for it to taste sort of like just a drawn-out shot of Fernet--like a shot of Fernet diluted a bit with Coke because, say, hypothetically, you only had a little bit of Fernet left and really wanted to make one last drink for the night but were too lazy/tipsy/naked to go out to the store to buy more Fernet--not that I would ever be able to relate to such a hypothetical desire in such a hypothetical situation, ever, because that's just sad! Right?

At any rate: a Fernet con Coca that tastes sort of like a drawn-out Fernet shot is not a bad thing. I enjoy it. It does, however, take on a somewhat different flavor when it's heavier on the Coca-Cola and lighter on the Fernet. The Fernet taste and Coke do complement each other rather well, I think; the specific way in which Coke is sweet and syrupy works with Fernet. (Note: I am not sure I could be paid/what sum of money I'd have to be paid to try a Fernet con Diet Coca. The sugar and the syrupiness of the regular Coke is crucial, I think, and I don't really like regular Coke most of the time. I'm super into Diet Coke, and yet I still would be hard-pressed to drink, voluntarily/for free, a Fernet con Diet Coca.)

So, final verdict: I like it. If one didn't like Fernet at all, I think a very very light-on-Fernet Fernet con Coca might even possibly work for that one. Should I ever find myself in Argentina, I shall order myself a Fernet con Coca with white-chick-style-atrociously-accented-broken-Spanish gusto.

So there you go. I should note that I have no such compunction against trying a Fernet and Diet Coke. I'm trying to watch my girlish figure, see.
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FINALLY, in pseudo-celebration of the holiday, here is the face-melting #1 hit in a google image search for "Fernet St. Patrick's Day":

Holy shit!

Fuck if I know what that has to do with St. Patrick's Day, and fuck if I could care. THIS. IS. AWESOME. Something tells me this isn't an official Branca advert, though I confess I don't know whether I would like it more or less if it was. Regardless, one thousand cocktails to whoever produced this work of art, and I will now seek out a print to hang on the ceiling above my bed.

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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, Fernet and Cola, The Argentine Menace, Drink it like a man you pansies, Fernet cocktails, le sigh, Fernet Foto File, fernet adverts, thats fuckin art man art

"Hella Fernet"

We're moving a little slowly from the trip to LA, but should have Fernet-related update posted shortly. In the meantime, here is a picture of what we all wish our waterclosets looked like:

Oh. My. God.

This is the decor adorning the walls in the ladies room at Vesuvio. Goodness gracious, I am in awe.

h/t Uptown Almanac

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Filed under: OMG OMG OMG, Vesuvio, There is apparently such a thing as Fernet art, And you thought North Beach was only good for mediocre pizza and strippers

Places You Can Get Fernet: Brooklyn, NY

Head's up from the Capitol of the World. Or, well, Brooklyn.

Should you find yourself in the City of Rocks, head directly to Full Circle in Williamsburg on Grand. First, because according to my sources they serve Fernet Branca. Second, and most importantly, go there because IT'S A SKEE BALL BAR. Holy shit!

Personally, I can think of no better way to spend my time than sipping on Fernet while tossing balls at just the perfect angle to so it will rim out of the 50-point hole and fall meekly towards the gutter. EVERY. TIME. Or maybe that's just me?

Regardless, were I a Brooklander (Brooklynner? Brooklouse?), I'd be over there regularly. I mean they run a friggin' skee ball league!

 Looks like a blast. This is not helping my natural San Franciscan Inferiority Complex with regards to NYC.

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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, OMG OMG OMG, Nothing better in the world than invented amateur sports leagues, I guess this makes up for spawning the Dodgers

Fernet On Tap in San Francisco?!? Surely you jest!

A good friend of mine breathlessly forwarded Thrillist's write-up this morning of Russian Hill bar Bullitt. Nestled amongst the generally positive tone of the review lay this tantalizing morsel of 100% pure awesome:

Bullitt's legitimately the only bar in town with Fernet... on tap...

That's right... on tap. Our traveling correspondent had privately whispered in my ear of such wonders in the Argentine barscape but I didn't actually believe that something so awesome as Fernet On Tap could exist in nature. Now that I know that Fernet On Tap is not only possible but proximate, I'm practically shaking in anticipation of experiencing it for myself.

My friend asked me if Bullitt (and Thrillist's) claim that they were in fact the only SF bar with Fernet on tap was true. My response was essentially: fuck if I know, but you can bet I'll find out. Soon.

So if anyone out there can claim to have seen or experienced Fernet On Tap within The City Limits, you are under strict orders to let me know immediately.

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Filed under: Actual research-like substance, these are a few of my favorite things, OMG OMG OMG, Best McQueen Tribute Ever