New Theme Song, Obviously.

From Equipto and Mike Marshall, feat. Skeptic and Cognito, I present to you:

I Drink Fernet

This is absurd and fantastic and I love every second of it.

That's all for now.

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Filed under: Fernet on the Tubes, keeping up with this blog is hard sometimes., Musical Interludes, with love and squalor, Fernet is hella gangsta yo

At Long Last, Your Fernetiquette Returns! (In COMIC Format!!)

Figured I'd dust off the old Bloggin' space to acknowledge this here thing right here:

Awesome cover, no? Oh, and there's also this:

Come celebrate the BRAND NEW “Comic Book Guide to the Mission”! Gather and meet many of the creators of this fabulous and entertaining neighborhood resource. Food! Drinks! Fun!

Featuring the talents of: Sean Chiki (Wunderkammer), Jamaica Dyer (Weird Fishes), Andrew Farago (The Cartoon Art Museum, William Bazillion), Shaenon K. Garrity (Narbonic, Skin Horse), Justin Hall (All Thumbs Press, True Travel Tales, Glamazonia), Mario Hernandez (Love and Rockets, Citizen Rex), Greg Hinkle, Nomi Kane (Chutzpah!), Jonas Madden-Connor (Ochre Ellipse), Paul Madonna (All Over Coffee), Omar Mamoon (The Mission: Taco), Amy Martin(Bachelor Girl, The Single Girls), John Mathis, Aindrila Mukhopadhyay, Roman Muradov (Sad Comics), Jen Oaks, Ariel Schrag (Potential,Likewise, Ariel and Kevin Invade Everything), Matt Stewart (The French Revolution), Alfred Twu (First Cultural Industries), Dan V. (American Objects), Geoff Vasile (Trackrabbit), Jeff Walker, Mike White (Amity Blamity), Clint Woods (Fernetiquette), and Rick Worley (A Waste of Time). Plus, behold this amazing cover by Chuck Whelon (Pewfell)

Ahem.

I have my very own copy, and it's wonderful. The story I submitted turned out great all comic-ified, and I'm just thrilled to have been a part of it. A huge, huge thank you to the lovely and talented Lauren M. Davis for allowing me to participate in such an exciting project. For those of you who live in the area, y'all should come down to the launch party this Friday, March 11 · 7:00pm - 10:00pm at Mission Comics and Art. I'll be there!

Now, we'll see if all this fame inspires me to write a bit more often. We'll see!

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Filed Under: Fernetiquette Gets Famouser and Famouser All The Time, keeping up with this blog is hard sometimes., The Comic Book Guide to The Mission, San Francisco in general, Pop's is for winners

Places You Can Get Fernet: Citizen Wine Bar in Worchester, MA

An emailed tip from Dave from the Bay State:

There is a bar called the Citizen in Worcester MA where Fernet flows freely!  From fernet and cokes to hanky pankys.  Shots chased with Ginger beer and a branca menta flip made with housemade cocoa tincture that is out of this world!  These guys are true kings of the craft and well known as one of the very few places to get fernet in central mass.  Just thought you should know.

Cheers!!!!

Citizen Wine Cheese and Chocolate Bar is the sort of establishment that eschews both conventional bar food AND the Oxford Comma. On the other hand, they do boast "proper ratios" every night. Which is not only impressive, but (depending on how they enforce those ratios) potentially discriminatory. Wooo!

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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Boston, Bars should be all forced to post their ratios all the time, welcome to Worchester $1.25 pa, The Oxford Comma is the sexiest comma, Tom Brady is a handsome man,

Places You Can Get Fernet: Halo, in Atlanta, GA.

Fernet was previously found in Atlanta at the local (and not the Murder Kroger).

Again from our traveling correspondent.

At Halo in Atlanta. Stay sexy.

As you can see, my boy is excellent with the Fernet Fotography.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Fernet Foto File, Atlanta, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Jason Heyward is an effing stud.

The Greatest Fernet Story Ever Told?

Got this in the ol' inbox this week. It was so good, so wonderful, so utterly transcendent that it demanded to be shared, (almost) immediately, unedited and uncut. Without further ado, I present to you, the gentle reader...

 Well. That pic turned out a bit more sacreligious than I'd originally intended.

...The Greatest Fernet Story Ever Told (This Week So Far). Enjoy.

About a year ago I hosted an Argentine wine dinner with 5 courses paired with different Argentine wines. I couldn't find a proper wine to go with dessert so my liquor rep suggested the national drink of Argentina, Fernet Branca. She brought a bottle by to sample and we were both hooked. It really didn't go with the dessert [ED- Shocking!] but I knew it packed verve and would be very memorable to our 80 guests. The dinner went fantastic and I introduced Fernet to everyone, gave a toast and we did our Fernet (sans ginger chaser) together and as you can imagine it was a polarizing experience.  All in all, great night of food, wine and Fernet. 

 So the real story begins post-dinner.  These two girls persuaded me to do shots of Fernet with them. I was feeling Euphoric from the great evening and we ended up doing NINE shots.  I think I forgot to mention that I had to be at the airport at 5:30 am the next morning (or maybe it was this morning) as I was a chaperone on my daughter's 8th grade trip to Washington, DC.....I actually passed out from the indulgence much to my wife's displeasure and had to be carried to the car and poured into bed. [ED- This has never happened to me. Ever.]

I was kinda/sorta unresponsive when my wife and daughter tried to wake me at 3:00 am and after repeated attempts to get me up, they realized it wasn't gonna happen. I woke from my comatose state at 8:00 am and was a little fuzzy but amazingly had no hangover! 

I knew I had to be somewhere and thought everyone had overslept but me. So I got a text from my beautiful daughter Claudia that said "I still love you" and knew I was in trouble. Then I got a phone call from my wife and she didn't still love me!! However, she arranged a flight later that day (for an extra $400 thank-you very much) and arrived at the hotel just as the Redeemer Lutheran School 8th grade class was getting back from the nighttime monument tour. Of course they all knew what happend to me (even the ticket agent at the airport knew!) but I was going to make the best of a bad situation and became the friggin' best 8th grade chaperone anyone has seen. Volunteered for every detail no one wanted and at the end became great friends with the teacher and all the students thought I was the "cool" chaperone. I owe it all to Ferent Branca.

 Let this be a lesson to you, my friends: NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TO YOU when two (or more) girls "persuade" you to do shots of Fernet Branca. It's like Spanish Fly, except instead of helping you get laid, it helps you get awesome. Also, your family will love you forever. The End.

Or not quite the end. Our contributor tacks on with an extra special Places You Can Get Fernet:

I'm the biggest supporter of Fernet in the Panhandle and if you ever get to Pensacola, Florida stop by Seville Quarter for some Fernet at End O' The Alley Bar. We are the leader in NW Florida (not saying much) and are very proud to be in the "know" of this incredible (in moderation) elixir.

 

Bill Carlson

Seville Quarter

Pensacola, FL

You hear that Pensacolans? (Pensacolians? Pensacolas? Pensacolacicles?) End O' The Alley is your new Home Base. Get to it, people. Oh, and one more note from Mr. Carlson...

ps. The staff has nicknamed Fernet "Kill Bill" in homage to me. You got to be known for something in your lifetime!

  I'll leave the MSPainting up to y'alls.

Amazing. Simply, amazing. Many, many thanks. 

Any other Entries from readers as to your Greatest Fernet Stories? Come on, San Franciscans. I know you've got 'em. Sharing is caring.

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Filed Under: MSPaint Skillz, The Greatest Fernet Story Ever Told This Week So Far, Places you can get Fernet, Hangover Freedom, Florida, Yes I know I'm going directly to hell

Actual Research-Like Substance: Scott Brody's Epic Eva Peron Story

Once in a while Your Fernetiquette pretends to be An Actual Blogger instead of being some schmo who assigns everything a cutsie tag and calls it a day. I admit it's not often, but on occasion I do put legitimate effort into this little webspace.

For example, about five months ago I took the time to type out an ENTIRE EMAIL(!!) that politely asked the purveyors of Bourbon and Branch how they managed to come up with the delicious Fernet-based cocktail known as the Eva Peron. Naturally, I didn't follow up on that email in any way, shape or form. I've been wayyyy too busy to spend my time in the dogged pursuit of truth.

Still my friends, I am here today to testify that you do indeed reap what you sew. Yes, this weekend I received the following note from Mr. Scott Brody, the lead bartender at Epic Roasthouse re: the origins of The Peron:

If you're still interested in the story behind the Eva Peron (and even if you aren't) here it is:

We had a liquor rep trying like hell to get Canton ginger liqueur into Epic back in 2008.  Shortly after bringing it in, we got a call from him to arrange a party for a friend of his.  His friend was going to Argentina on an "epic" adventure and he wanted a specialty cocktail containing Canton for the party.  

 Epic: Pictured

We agreed to try and come up with something, and I took the two ideas: Argentina and Canton, to Tony Nik's in North Beach where I knew Darren Crawford was working.  Our friend and fellow bartender Jake Cornell was there, and the three of us started brainstorming.  I knew that Fernet mixed well with Sweet Vermouth from cocktails such as the Hanky Panky, and everyone in SF knows it pairs well with ginger.  Furthermore, I knew that Fernet is wildly popular in Argentina.  We can't remember exactly who came up with the lime, or who thought of trying ginger ale; but Darren started mixing, decided on equal parts of Carpano Antica, Fernet and Canton, squeezed in half a lime, shook everything and topped it with ginger ale.  We tasted it, decided that ginger beer would work best, and voila, a cocktail is born.  We came up with the name Eva Peron, because the Evita cocktail already exists (nasty thing with Midori in it). 

The drink was a hit at the party, and once Darren started working at Bourbon & Branch, he brought the Eva Peron with him.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me, or come by Epic and I'll be happy to mix up an Eva for you.

Cheers,  

-Scott Brody.

 Odds of me taking Mr. Brody up on that offer? Excellent.

(Srsly tho: Many thanks to Scott for the story!!! Now everyone immediately go to Epic and tip like a Rockefeller.)
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Filed Under: Actual research-like substance, Bourbon and Branch, Epic in the non-internet way, Fernet cocktails, The Argentine Menace, San Francisco in general, Don't act like I never do anything for you people

Places You Can Get Fernet: Cure in New Orleans, LA

Another short one. If time permits, I've got plenty of interesting updates coming very soon.

Regardless:

Forwarded to us by our intrepid traveling reporter, who testified that Cure boldly offers not just Fernet-Branca, but ALSO features my old nemesis* Branca Menta.

Well played.

*Updates also to come on our longstanding bloodfeud with The Menta.
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Filed Under:  Places you can get Fernet, Nawlins, Fernet Foto File, Branca Menta is the devil, keeping up with this blog is hard sometimes.

Places You Can Get Fernet: Harry's Bar in Allston, MA

It's been a while and I've got some catching up to do, so how about a short one? OK? OK.

Taken May 17, 2010 at Harry's Bar and Grill in Allston, Mass. The accompanying message from the fine gentleman who sent the picture:

I miss you, my friend.

You too, brother.
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Filed Under: Boston, Places you can get Fernet, Fernet Foto File, male bonding amongst males, Allston Rock City.

Hey you guys, I went to a show!

And then I wrote about it at Such a Clatter! Check it out, yo.

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Filed Under: This has absolutely zero to do with Fernet Branca, Guest Posts, Fellow Travelers, And yes I had my dancin' shoes on and I was feelin' alright

"The Liqueur of Hades"

According to Salon dot com, quoting The Wall Street Journal quoting something called "The Wine and Food Society of New York", (which doesn't even sound like a real thing) Fernet is "The Liqueur of Hades".Well, OK.

I'd file an objection, but frankly fair enough. Hades isn't so bad, and the description is fairly appropriate in all honesty. If nothing else, it's better than being called something truly terrible like say... the Liqueur of Cleveland. Can't even imagine what that would taste like.

Also, THIS is hilarious.

Betsy von Furstenberg was suspended from Actor's Equity in 1960 after secretly putting [Fernet] into Tony Randall's onstage drink.

 Of course.

Oh, Felix Unger. Such a buzzkill.

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Filed Under: Fernet Foto File, Fernet is Famous or something, People upon whom Betsy von Fustenberg has forced the stuff, The Liqueur of Hades

Guest Post: Clatter Takes the Plunge

It's Fernetiquette's First Ever Guest Post! Yrs truly just dragged Bill, the excellent and prolific author of the exceptional music blog Such A Clatter, out for some Fernet. Photo evidence goes here:

Flowery guest prose goes here [FN1]:

First & just reiteratively, I will concur re: the Marina.  Which is like a weird wormhole-portal-thingie to some other place/time/culture (quote-unquote), incongruous amidst our fine City where some, at least, are said to have left their hearts.  I will admit to being overly-reductive (& yes a hater, sue me[FN2]) but Marina: ew to the bottle-blondes & the boob jobs, ew to the overgrown frat boys & gym rats, & cetera just, ew. [FN3] Anyway, Russian Hill has its fine points but would certainly be nicer all around w/out the blight of the Marina situated like, Right Next Door.  The cross-pollination was alas evident, when  Fernetiquette hosted yours truly for what was to be yes, my very First Time test-driving (what I understand to be) the hipsters’ go-to digestif.  &, as you’ve already heard by now, we had it on tap [FN4] which evidently is not the usual means of delivery.

Anyhoo and as previously related infra, drinks were brought to our table at the Bullitt bar.  Some beers, four shots of el Fernet-o, & two “ginger backs” for the newbies (those being me, check, & my dazzling companion).  I had been assured that chasing the Fernet with ginger ale would not categorically render me a Girl, but I do harbor some skepticism there. [FN5]

So, yeah I drank the stuff.  Uh huh, yes I surely did.  & apparently it is something that people actually do drink, both repeatedly & willingly.  So I am prepared to concede that I’m missing something there.  (Especially since I pretty much used up my RDA of intolerance just hating on the neighborhood, right?)

 I'll spare the suspense: he was not impressed.

What to say about the Fernet Branca?  Well, when I was twelve I smoked my first cigarette which was a Kool menthol.  That’s a memory I was surprised to revisit upon sipping my leather-colored shot there in the bar.  But yeah, menthol.  Menthol on fire.  Cool on the palate yet warm going down, hey it’s freaking alchemy in a shot glass!

  Molecular geometry for Menthol. [FN6]

I know there are supposed to be various subtle notes of this & that, but I couldn’t really discern any of the alleged saffron or cardamom, & wouldn’t recognize myrrh or aloe (I did my homework on Wikipedia, btw) if they walked up to me on Hyde Street & slapped my face w/a French manicure.  Pretty much whatever’s in there gets shoved aside by the cool/warm tactile sensation.  Oh & by the unambiguous & shouted voice [FN7] of camphor, so there may be some medicinal value there I’m just saying.

I was really trying my best to be all x-cultural & open-minded, but can we talk for just a moment re: the music in that place. [FN8] Jesus seriously, who w/a straight face plays that bland generic white people disco shite? [FN9] Query posed rhetorically, although now that I think about it I did crave a seriously stiff drink after a single verse, so there’s some viral marketing for you.             

So.  Not to go all Marcel Proust on you here, but the Fernet did have this uncanny ability to dredge up forgotten memories & that was a magical & mysterious thing to experience then & there in the bar.  I recalled that time when I had pneumonia & couldn’t do much other than lie still under the crushing weight of my watery lungs, blotting my fevered forehead.  I thought the Fernet mightn’t be bad if I’m ever similarly stricken again.  Topically applied, I mean, & assuming a favorable per-ounce price point comparison with Vicks VapoRub registered trademark. [FN10]  With which it shares its distinctive bouquet.  (Sorry man, but truth to power, right?)

Emphatically though, I will insist that every downside to the evening’s escapade was more than balanced by the quality of the assembled company, & Friendship indeed is a tonic superior to all others.  Vive la difference I say with some not-inconsequential gusto.  So, thank you for the invitation, & for the ensuing adventure.  In conclusion, the gods did smile when, as we were settling the check, the Clash were heard to intrude gloriously & incongruously upon the music selection.

A

At least we can agree on these lads. [FN11] 

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FN1- All footnotes are MINE though. It is my blog, after all MWAHAHAHAHAHahahahahaahahaha.
FN2- Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that being "overly-reductive" and "a hater" were necessary prerequisites of being a music blogger.
FN3- Co-sign, save for the bit about boob jobs.
FN4- (sic) as to the failure to capitalize On Tap.
FN5- Acceptable. See ORFE Sec. 1.0(3).
FN6- Be honest. You guys weren't expecting FUCKING SCIENCE, were you?
FN7- It's subtle... subtle like a T-Rex. 
FN8- See FN2.
FN9- Pretty much Marina folk and Chowdahheads. But I repeat myself.
FN10- It doesn't. I've tried. [FN12]
FN11- Oh, and the cheesy bit about the friendship and company and blah blah blah whatevs. That stuff is pretty cool too I guess.
FN12- What? I'm not proud.

For the record, my favorite part was the Tranny joke. 
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Filed Under: Guest Posts, Russian Hill, Seriously though Thanks Bill that was great, The Only Drink That Matters, Faces of Fernet, Alchemy in a Shot Glass, Fellow Travelers, People upon whom I've forced the stuff.

Fernet On Tap is a Real Actual Thing

I can swear to the above statement in a court of law. Because last night, I ventured all the way over to the expensive side of the City to Bullitt and saw it with my very own eyes. It was glorious.

Hella OMGs!

Let's get a close-up view on that bad boy.

Yep. That's right. It's an an adorable wee lil Fernet bottle stuck on a tap. And that tap dispenses Fernet. It's like a unicorn gumdrop fountain made of $100 bills. Too good to be real. If they had one of these at The Homestead I'd probably try to move in.

Unfortunately, they don't have one at The Homestead or anywhere else in my general area, so I'm forced to go all the way to Fernet Central/Russian Hill to sample Fernet On Tap. Russian Hill is A) pretty far from me, and B) basically the Marina. More on B) later, but let's just say I'm glad they weren't checking neighborhood passports too closely.

So what did Fernet On Tap taste like? To be honest, it tasted a heck of a lot like regular Fernet. It may have been slightly more "open" and a tiny bit less sharp, but it was still Fernet so it still had plenty of prickliness to spare. Theresa, our ever-present companion and photographer, said it tasted "warmer". I think that's right, though none of the variances are present to a large extent. Bottom line: you really have to work hard to taste the difference.

This should not be a surprise. Fernet does not exactly present the subtlest of flavor palates. You can fuss with the margins all you like, but you're not going to alter the big picture a whole bunch. Fernet On Tap will still walk up to you and slug you in the face just like Fernet Not On Tap will. The only difference may be in the exact angle of the right cross.

I don't have much more to say about Bullitt itself, so allow me to comment on Russian Hill in general. First, this is the window of the bar right next door from Bullitt:

Yes, that's a gigantic bottle of Fernet-Branca with branchy tree-like things growing out of it. Well, OK. Cheers to you Cresta's 2211 Club. Your window display is beautiful like a rainbow.

Secondly, upon leaving Bullitt and heading back up Polk street towards my friend Such A Clatter's car, we passed yet another bar. Out from said bar came stumbling a prototypical Marina DudeBrah. He wasn't wearing an Ed Hardy T-Shirt, but I can only assume that was because he was at the end of a laundry cycle. At any rate, he stumbled up to our band of merry folks, nudged me on the elbow and pointed across the street towards an attractive young lady in the crosswalk.

"Hey man," he slobbered. "Wouldn't you like to get up inside that?"

Somewhat stunned, I laughed it off and said "Oh yeah, man. Absolutely."

She had apparently heard the exchange and was obviously smitten by the high compliment paid to her by our unnamed drunkard, because she turned towards us, raised a heavily manicured hand and went "WOOOOO!!!!"

Ahh, young love. You stay classy, Russian Hill. 
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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, Best McQueen Tribute Evar, Russian Hill, DudeBrahs, Fernet Foto File, MSPaint Skillz, Fernet On Tap, Actual research-like substance.

Happy Birthday to New Coke!

That's right, kids. Twenty-five years ago today.

 What could go wrong!?!

Also a big Bon Anniversaire to Valerie Bertinelli, Warren Spahn, Sandra Dee, Miguel de Cervantes, Tony Esposito, Herve Villechaize, Bill Shakespeare, Shirley Temple, me, Lee Majors and Roy Orbison.

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Filed Under: This has absolutely zero to do with Fernet Branca, I want to try Fernet con Coca Nueva, Spahn and Sain and pray for HELLA PRESENTS

Maybe the Best Thing I've Ever Seen, Ever

This is all over the intertubes today but whatevs because OMG.

You see, Giants? You score when you actually touch the plate. Style points are extra, though they also have the potential make you immortal.

h/t Brigid
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Filed Under: OMG OMG OMG, This has absolutely zero to do with Fernet Branca, The High Holy Church of Baseball, Profiles in Amazingism, No really watch it again it's the best thing ever, 5 runs in 4 games arrrgh

Places You Can Get Fernet: Russell House Tavern in Cambridge, MA

The Russell House Tavern is in Harvard Square, across the Charles River from the Eastern Standard in Cambridge. Of course, Cambridge is where Harvard is. Thus, Russell House Tavern is a Harvard Bar, and I am legally obligated to deploy this picture:

Why yes, I do enjoy a nice Granny Smith from time-to-time.

Russell House Tavern is on "JFK street", which is kind of like having a gay bar in San Francisco called Moby Dick: too obvious to NOT be a real thing. The bar opened a few weeks ago, has a truly awesome special offer for the hungry brainacs who frequent the area.

Grossman said that the Harvard community was one of the top three factors he took into consideration before opening the restaurant. He added that he has informally created a “happy meal” for students, which consists of a 16-ounce Brooklyn lager tall boy, one shot of Fernet Branca, and a “giant” burger—priced at $18.

FUCK YEAH HAPPY MEAL. In my head these come in cardboard boxes in the shape of Fenway Park with a smiling David Ortiz on the outside dressed as the Hamburgler.

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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Boston, Oh Matt Damon he is such a tortured soul, Applesauce bitch, Hopefully McDonalds' lawyers will never hear about this

Places You Can Get Fernet: Sable in Chicago, IL

In the middle of my junior year of college, my girl and I went to the City of Broad Shoulders to visit a friend of mine from grade school who had moved out there while he and I were in high school. It was in the dead of winter; the harrowing part of Midwestern January. According to the weathermen, it was something like -40 with the wind chill. I didn't know if what the forecast said was true, I just know it was the coldest I'd ever been in my life. It still is.

The three of us still managed to brave the conditions and fought our way downtown. I wore my Red Wings jersey. At the Art Institute, we did this:

Of course we did.

I mention this not because it's particularly relevant; it's just to remind myself that I should contact the old friend and the girl more often. They are wonderful people and I miss them both.

What is quite relevant is this: you can get Fernet in Chicago. True fact.

A good hotel bar can be a traveler’s best friend, especially when it comes with a pedigree like that of the recently opened Sable Kitchen & Bar in Chicago’s Hotel Palomar. With a spirits selection curated by bartender Jacques Bezuidenhout and cocktails like the Fernet- and St. Germain-laced Ginger Dram and the strawberry- and mezcal-bedecked Speaking in Tongues being mixed by Violet Hour alum Mike Ryan, Sable is the perfect bar away from home.

 Sable is at 505 North State street, which according to the googlz is right downtown-ish. Picture goes here.

For the record, the Ginger Dram consists of:

• 1 3/4 oz. single-malt scotch whisky 
• 1 oz. Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur
• 2 barspoons Fernet Branca
• 2 dashes Angostura bitters
• Ice cubes 
• A dash of DA BEARS
• Lemon twist
• Served in a Nick & Nora glass

One of those ingredients may not be entirely serious.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Chicago, Fernet cocktails, Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, I don't get the ginger fascination I really don't, I'd buy Steve Bartman a shot dude deserves it

The Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v. 1.0

It's funny. I never really started this blog with the idea of serving as some sort of Fernet authority. In fact, I explicitly disavowed any such notion in the FAQs. I started this blog because the name popped into my head one day after a terribly long night at Pop's and I thought "Huh huh. That'd be a good name for a blog or something."

And off we went.

Reposting because it's still my favorite

Then I got going a bit. And then I garnered a few readers. Then one day out of the clear blue sky, someone determined that this blog was about "Fernet Etiquette". Which: OK. I guess that makes sense. I may not be a bartender or a mixologist or someone with any specialized knowledge on the subject whatsoever... but I am a San Franciscan who drinks Fernet. Seeing as how San Francisco drinks somewhere between 35-50% of the Fernet in the United States AND I'm the only person within San Francisco to start a blog about it, I think the issue is settled: I am an authority on Fernet etiquette. Res ipsa loquitur.

I should note that while I did not ask for this responsibility, I shall not shrink from it. Thus, Allow me to present Fernetiquette's Official Rules of Fernet Etiquette, v 1.0. (A work in progress.):

1. If you've never tried Fernet, you must seek it out immediately. I mean it. Look, whether you like it or you think it could peel the paint off the walls, Fernet is distinctive enough that it absolutely has to be sampled. Nay, not sampled: savored. Contemplated. Experienced. You must try it or you are not a complete person. Yes, Fernet is that powerful. Get to it.
2. Don't think about it. Don't smell it. Don't hesitate. Just drink it. Whether you decide to shoot it or sip it, just dive right in. I will warn you: You will hate it the first time it touches your lips. That said, as soon as that warm clean menthol feeling hits your gut, you'll start to understand what is the big deal about Fernet. But I assure you my friend, it will be just a start.
3. Ginger backs are acceptable, but not necessarily encouraged. The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article declares Fernet with Ginger to be "the style of drinking Fernet-Branca that is most popular in San Francisco." Whatever. If that's what it takes for you to handle the stuff, fine. I can't say I didn't need something to clear my palate after the first time I tried Fernet. HOWEVA... after a few months of practice, feel free to remove the training wheels. Put on your big boy pants and graduate to beer. Or hell, vodka.
4. If you meet someone who hasn't tried it, you are obligated to buy them a shot. This is non-negotiable. Iron-clad. 
5. If you are in somewhere outside of San Francisco and you see Fernet behind the bar, you are mandated to order it under penalty of law. Also non-negotiable. As a corollary: if the bartender then asks you if you are from San Francisco, you are obligated to tip like a Rockefeller and buy them a shot of their own.
6. San Franciscans may not drink Fernet and cola in public within the city limits. Why? Because it's just not how we do things here and everyone else will point and laugh. In fact, unless you work for Bourbon and Branch or you're going to stir it in directly with your Pabst, you should probably just leave Fernet cocktails to the auslanders. Now, if you're barricaded inside the relative privacy of your own $1850/month-250-square-foot junior bedroom suite in the Excelsior and you decide to indulge in the forbidden pleasure of a Fernet con Coca, so be it. Just be sure the blinds are securely closed. Dear God, no one else wants to see that shit.
7. The artificial "You are not supposed to drink alcohol until X time of day" rules do not apply to Fernet. Fernet is not just a delicious spirit. No my friends. It's also a hangover cure. It's also a fantastic digestif. In short: it's a miracle drink. Therefore it is appropriate for consumption twenty-four hours a day. If anyone looks askance at you, refer them to me. Besides, it's always noon somewhere.

Any other suggestions to add to the Official Rules? Post them in the comments.

So it is written, and so it shall be.
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Filed Under: THE RULES AS I DECLARE THEM TO BE, San Francisco in general, The Infamous SF Weekly Fernet Article, I come from a long line of functional alcoholics, Fernet and Cola, Pop's is for winners, meta

Life Intervenes

Sorry for the light posting of late, but I had a bit of a busy week. I gots myself a brand new job and can no longer claim to be "chronically under-employed". That's right, ma. I'm a big boy lawyer now!

As you can imagine the new job necessitated a lot of errand-running, tying-up-of-loose-ends, and getting-my-ducks-in-various-rows. Oh, and celebrating. Lots of celebrating.

Job starts today, so once I get a handle on things we should be back to normal. I don't anticipate that it will be too long before we get back to our regularly scheduled drinkie blog.

In the meantime, today is also that all important holiest of days: Opening Day. 

And so that picture is pretty well perfect for the day. Today so much begins anew; so much is full of promise.

Here's to cherishing those beginnings fulfilling that promise. Cheers!



Adorableness via CALIBER
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Filed Under: The High Holy Church of Baseball, Over-sharing and functional alcoholism, Posts about the Giants, That kid is so cute I almost want to reproduce

Places You Can Get Fernet: Spoontonic in Walnut Creek, CA

Got an email last week from a tipster named Kristen who says:

I work in the East Bay in Walnut Creek at this place called Spoontonic lounge. We sell a butt load of Fernet, and if you ever want to come check it out we're within walking distance from BART (pleasant hill or walnut creek).

"Butt load" is a technical term in the drink service industry. FYI.

Spoontonic is seems pretty hip since you can follow it on the Facebooks. They also have something called a "My Space", which I've never heard of so it must be hella cutting edge. FWIW they're also really well received on Yelp. One review in particular mentioned that they have a photobooth and only charge $2 for a PBR which makes me all nostalgic for the home base.

Pictures blatantly cribbed from Yelp go here:

They gots cute hipster girls in The Crick too.

Having grown up in the Far East Bay myself, I can say that I'm pretty familiar with the area. This place sounds objectively better than any other bar in Walnut Creek I've ever been to by a mile and a half. AND they serve Fernet, so bonus! Small caveat: According to Kristen a shot of Fernet is $7. This would be utterly unconscionable in SF, but one must make adjustments for what the market will bear out in the uncharted hinterlands of the Bay.

(I kid, I kid.)

ETC: My tipster graciously offered to have a shot at the bar waiting for me should I ever make it out there so I can "test if the fernet tastes different outside the city." Oooh, that sounds like research. I like research. Finally, check out Kristen's tumblr, which is filled with all kinds of general hilarity.
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Filed Under: Places you can get Fernet, Fernets and their migratory patterns, Journey to the End of the East Bay, How much are you paying for your Fernet, Photobooths are where the magic happens

Fernetiquette asks The Internet for help... again

Second verse, extremely similar to the first.

Anyone sprechen sie the German?

And while you're at it...

Deleted scene from 2001: A Space Odyssey

Any attempts at translation would be appreciated. Danke schön!
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Filed Under: a normal person might have taken a class or something by now, fernet adverts, these could be Dutch for all I know, monkeys they haunt me they attack me monkeys